'Belonging'

Where do you feel that you belong? Its not an easy question to answer.  Belonging is a little like identity, it is something you feel but it is not easy to put into words.  I feel like I belong in the Highlands, with my family, with my team at work and with certain friends.  Why do I belong in some places and not others?  What does it mean to belong?  Here are a few elements I think are part of belonging.

A Shared Journey.  When we think of communities and groups where we belong there is some sense of shared journey or history.  When Solomon prayed at the dedication of the temple in 1 Kings 8 the Children of Israel had been on a long and very hard journey.  They had been slaves in Egypt for over 400 years and then another 500 years wandering in the wilderness and conquering their homeland.  Finally they have a place to call home, a king, a capital city and a permanent temple.  It must have been an incredible feeling to see the glory of God filling the beautiful and glorious temple.  Finally there was a sense of belonging.  

Very often we have a sense of belonging because we have a sense of shared journey and frequently shared suffering.  That sense of shared suffering and shared vulnerability often leads to greater connection and a sense of belonging.  Many of us have experienced this in our families.  We have been through huge adversity together and it has brought us closer.  

Safety and Security.  It is hard to feel that we belong if we don't feel safe.  When I come home to my family I feel a sense of safety and protection.  I know that they want my best so if I've had a bad day I know that home will be a safe place.  

In the Bible the story of Ruth is a story of two women seeking safety in a patriarchal society.  Ruth and Naomi have no power, no protector, no safety net and little hope.  They are at the mercy of their covenant community which Naomi had walked away from when she went to Moab.  But when they enter Bethlehem, they find safety and security under the Levitical Law and their 'Kinsman Redeemer', Boaz.  Ruth isn't just given food but is enabled under Biblical law to glean in the fields so she has the dignity of work.

It is hard to think of belonging without a sense of safety and security.  We have a sense of belonging when people have our back, are willing to defend us and welcome us in when we need help.  The Biblical imperative is that this needs to be offered to the widow, the orphan and the stranger.

Trust - As it think about the places where I belong there is a sense of trust both in others and with others in me.  When I think of family, I trust my family and they trust me.  I've spent most of my career working with families where that has broken down and often led to people being part of their families but not really feeling like they belong.  

When we think of Joseph in the Old Testament he was rejected by his brothers but ultimately accepted by the people of Egypt.  They trusted him with great power and responsibility after his brothers had tried to kill but eventually sold him in to slavery.  The reconciliation that took place is one of the most beautiful stories of redemption and forgiveness in the Bible and points forward to an even greater leader and mediator to come in the Lord Jesus Christ.  

Trust has to be the foundation for any community of belonging.  Great teams are built on trust, great organisations are built on trust and any thriving family is a place of trust and acceptance.  

Love - Can you belong in a place where you are not loved?  I guess it depends how we define love.  We might feel that we belong in a football club or at the squash club but I think that is more about enjoyment and shared interest rather than love.  I think to truly belong somewhere we need to feel loved and accepted.  In the parable of the Prodigal Son the son comes back to the father to plead for mercy but instead is showered with unconditional love.  He is received, accepted and then celebrated.  His elder brother, who has never left home, has no sense of belonging because he works for his father, not out of love, but out of duty.  The prodigal son was loved therefore he has a sense of belonging.  

We so often think that the way to help families belong is through 'support'.  This is undoubtedly part of the solution but belonging starts with love and compassion.  This is why the professional model of social care has had such a limited impact on families over the last 30-40 years. Families are not just a collection of their problems.  People in crisis need connection, compassion and love. This takes time, commitment and perseverance.  

Hospitality, Generosity and Celebration - I think belonging often comes from shared hospitality and generosity.  When we think back to the Old Testament and all the festivals ordained by God, they created a sense of belonging amongst the Israelites. The Passover reminded them of God's redeeming love, the Festival of Tabernacles or Shelters reminded them of their wilderness journey and God's protective care, and then the Day of Atonement reminded them of how God could forgive their sins through the shedding of blood.  These festivals were celebrated regularly and corporately to remind the Israelites of certain events and truths.  It must have been so exciting for Israelite children to go to a festival every year and make temporary shelters.  That is the kind if Sunday School every kid dreams of!

Most communities that inspire belonging have shared festivals, hospitality or meals.  Many of us have great memories of Sunday lunches with our families, Christmas meals and, for those of us in Scotland, steak pie on New Years Day.  These moments of shared hospitality, generosity and celebration create a sense of belonging.

Shared Values - Reflecting on belonging, I think there has to be some shared values for us to feel like we belong.  Many communities and families never work these out explicitly but every group has written or unwritten values.  

Organisations with clear core values, lived out consistently by a committed leadership team, are nearly always organisations that create a healthy culture where trust is paramount and power and politics are reduced to a minimum.  We see this in Christs ministry as he gathers a rag tag group of disciples and teaches what it means to lead.  His radical version of leadership involved service and sacrifice not power and politics.  It was subversive, shocking and revolutionary.  Many years ago I heard a preacher in Glasgow talking about his fragility.  He said 'never trust a leader without a limp'.  Great leadership is when we have an acute awareness of our own fragility and we love to see others grow and develop. Most great leaders are values driven and imbed this in their sphere of influence.

For the last 2000 years Christians have been showing love and compassion to the poor and marginalised.  Sometimes we have been very focussed on peoples physical needs and have neglected the more fundamental spiritual and emotional needs that people have.  But there are many great examples of Christians who have provided a sense of hope and belonging as they have reached out in love to those who are in crisis.

We can think of Amy Carmichael (1867-1951) who rescued hundreds of little boys and girls from ritualised sexual exploitation in Hindu temples in the early part of the 20th century.   The practice of devadasis was unthinkable to the middle class sensibilities of Victorian Britain, but Amy Carmichael was tireless it giving children who ran away a safe refuge and campaigning against the evils of the practice.  It took 46 years of campaigning before the Madras Government made the practice illegal in 1947.  Carmichael received the Kaiser-i-Hind medal for her service to the people of India.  Amy Carmichael not only rescued children, she educated them, she loved them and she advocated for them.  They went from being treated like objects so having a sense of belonging and love because one women, compelled by the love of Christ, did something about their injustice.

Another example is Titus Salt (1803-1876) who was a mill owner in Bradford.  In 1853 Salt opened the Victoria Mill beside the river Aire.  He transformed the working conditions of the 3,500 workers with large windows and reduced noise.  He created a workers village beside the mill called Saltaire which housed 4,500 people in 850 houses.  He provided 45 almhouses for the elderly, a hospital, a library and an Institute for concerts and public lectures and a gym.  There was a large dining hall providing a good balanced meal for 2pence.  A 14 acre park was added in 1871.  The only thing missing was a pub.  Salt believed that at the root of most vice was lust and drunkenness and Saltaire was a dry village. Right in the centre of the village was a large Congregational Church with capacity for a Sunday School of 800 children. Salt, along with many Christian philanthropists, not only cared for his workers health, but also cared for their souls and gave his workforce a real sense of dignity and belonging.  

Christians have a rich history of compassion to the poor.  The challenges of the 2st century are different from the past.  We face an epidemic of loneliness and isolation in our society and people are desperate to belong.  The church has a great opportunity to rise to this challenge and reach out with love and compassion to a broken and sinful world with love of Christ.  As Dr Guthrie once said: 'Religion does not consist in doctrinal or prophetical speculations; nor lie like a corpse entombed in old dusty confessions.  She lives in action, and walks abroad among mankind - calling us to leave our books to shut our Bibles, to rise from our knees and go forth with hearts full of love and hands full of charities.'

'Uncle Willie'

We were greatly saddened to hear of the passing of our uncle Willie Murray last Monday (1st November 2021) in Raigmore hospital where he had been for several weeks. Willie was born on 3rd January 1936 to Alexander and Johan Murray, and was the last surviving and youngest of three brothers, Alexander and my father John. Willie never married but was a much loved uncle to Alex's boys Sandy, Iain and Craig and to me and my late sisters. Willie spent almost his whole life on the family croft in Lonemore, Dornoch, only moving in the last two years to Golspie. He struggled with heart problems, diabetes and became increasingly frail. I saw him in hospital a few weeks ago and while there was some confusion, he had his usual concern for my boys and a desire for any visitors to read the Scriptures and pray.

We all have lots of abiding memories of Lonemore when we visited on holiday. It was quite a challenge for a family of five squeezing in to a two bedroomed croft house, sleeping on antique beds, using, for many years, an outside toilet, and playing in the wrecks of rusty cars and disused tractors. The croft house was full of family heirlooms, rare books and memories stretching back to the late 19th century. Huge piles of cassettes were stacked precariously everywhere and when you were sent to get the Bibles for worship there was often a 'Jenga type' crashing of cassettes. Willie had a low carbon footprint well before it became trendy. He cycled everywhere, burnt almost everything and used very little electricity. Shirts were soaked in the bath and dried on the garden fence. If Willie had an iron, it certainly never connected with a shirt. He had almost no sense of self and was not interested in image.

Willie wasn't keen on passing on any knowledge of farming with 'the boys', but loved discussing animal husbandry with my sister Anna (an agricultural graduate) and my cousin Craig's wife Ishbel who came from farming stock. The exceptions were feeding pet lambs, working in a 'support role' when the sheep went off to market and any rounding up of either sheep or cattle for marking or jagging by the vet.

One of my abiding memories of Lonemore is driving a wrecked Datsun Cherry along the beach with Willie on the bonnet looking for a lost sheep. He would bang on the roof, jump off, run into the field and then hop back on to resume the search. Space was tight but boiled beef, the best potatoes (literally just lifted) and the biggest array of pineapple cakes and empire biscuits from the bakery in Dornoch always made for great meal times. Mealtimes were punctuated with full family worship, and listening to Willie's prayers was, looking back, a great privilege. Latterly when I would visit with just Dad and I, presenting a Psalm with two completely tone deaf brothers was amongst one of my greatest achievements. Kilmarnock would often morph into Colshill and take a detour through the choppy waters of St Kilda!

Willie was an elder in Dornoch Free Church for several decades. His minister for many years, Rev John Macpherson, recently emailed me about Willie and said this: 'I greatly valued Willie as a friend, a brother in Christ and a fellow elder. Though he was a very shy man, I greatly admired the way he fulfilled the pastoral responsibilities of being an elder. I'm sure the number of visits he paid to the sick, the bereaved and those in any kind of trouble must have run into several hundreds. He carried with him "the savour of Christ", so that even those who didn't share his Christian faith greatly appreciated his compassionate concern.'  Willie became associated with the Free Church (Continuing) just shortly after the division of 2000. He greatly appreciated the ministry of Rev Alan Murray who he greatly missed after his death. Willie also appreciated the ministry of Rev Thomas Buchanan who has been a faithful pastor to Willie in his illness and a great help in many practical ways. Willie was greatly helped by his neighbours in Lonemore, Mable Lobban and Katherine De Jonckheere who faithfully transported him to church and looked after him in all sorts of ways. Thank you, your kindness has not gone on unnoticed.

Willie knew what was important in life. He was God fearing, Christ centred and pleaded for the power of the Holy Spirit in his own life and on the church. His great prayer was for the church to resist the gimmicks and shallowness of modern evangelicalism and for the power of the Holy Spirit to fall on the church in reforming an reviving power. Willie loved and respected the Lords Day and was grieved as the modern church abandoned it for pragmatism and acceptability. He surrounded himself with the Reformers, the Covenanters and the Puritans and was a veracious reader. Willie must have been one of the last men in Scotland to still listen to tapes of which he had 100's and never failed to find a great sermon if it came up in conversation. Every niece and nephew received the tape series of 'Al Martin on the Fear of God' for their 21st birthday present. His knowledge of Christian news and events was encyclopaedic due to the fact that he received every reformed periodical in circulation. These magazines would be recycled as he visited the elderly in the care homes around Sutherland for most of his life.

Willie was content, humble, slightly shy but was known for his godliness and a deep and reverential fear of God. He never really entered the modern world and was very at home in a simpler, pre internet world where books remained central. Willie will be remembered as a faithful man of God, who held his convictions humbly. His quietness and meekness led to him being taken advantage of by certain people who claimed to be friends. They will have to give an account to a higher court with a judge who sees and knows all things. For his immediate family he will always remain 'uncle Willie', a gentleman, a faithful Christian and much missed uncle.

The funeral will take place in Dornoch Free Church on Thursday 11th November at 12 noon followed by the burial at Dornoch East Cemetery.