Wednesday, 11 December 2024

Hope and Belonging - 10 Years of Safe Families in Scotland

This was a talk I gave at an event to celebrate 10 years of Safe Families. The event was at The Faith Mission on 26th October 2024.

Well, it’s great to see so many friends here today to join in this celebration of 10 years of hope and belonging for families.

As we look back and look forward, we wanted to do that with the people that had made all this possible, our staff, volunteers and supporters.

Looking back

Nearly 30 years ago I started my career in social work not very far from here in Howdenhall road.  I still remember my first shift in Howdenhall Secure Unit in November 1995.

We were working with some of the most damaged and traumatised children in Scotland.

Some of them were violent but most of them were just scared, lonely kids who were desperate for love and a sense of belonging.

I still remember taking 2-3 kids sledging on Christmas Day because they had no safe home to go to.

I remember thinking at the time ‘how is our system so dysfunctional that we allow children to get to the point where they need to be locked up in units that cost £5-6k per week?

Wouldn’t it be better for children, for society, for cost efficiency that we get involved with families earlier before the damage is done?

Why don’t we design services around what families need and want rather than waiting until children need to come into care?

Why don’t services conform to family’s needs rather silos and departments designed by accountants rather than practitioners?

So often we don’t step back and ask the simple question: what actually brings change?

How are people transformed?  What gives people hope?

When we are in crisis, when we are feeling low, we seek out the people we love don’t we?
Its connection that fuels hope. Its love that sustains and fortifies us.  Its community that makes us feel safe and supported.

Some of us need professional services, but most of the time we prefer informal support don’t we?  What if we could create a service like that?  

So, when I first heard about Safe Families, I didn’t need much persuading.


The question was, could it become a reality in Scotland?

In 2013 I was working for Bethany Christian Trust and I saw first hand what could be done in partnership with the local church to eradicate homelessness.  Partnership, collaboration, vision could create night shelters, deliver food on the streets, provide addiction services and support churches to offer hope in deprived communities.  What if we could partner with churches to offer hope and belonging to families?  And so, in October 2014 Safe Families was born.  If it wasn't born, its future was certainly cemented in a coffee shop at the top of Leith Street when Lyn Hair and I met and I asked her if she would come on as out first Senior Family Support Manager.

I want to pay tribute to Lyn today. I don’t think I’m exaggerating to say that if it wasn’t for Lyn, there would be no Safe Families in Scotland.  Lyn was our first family support worker, volunteer trainer, volunteer assessor, grant application writer, staff trainer and many, many other things.  Thanks Lyn, we appreciate all that you brought to Safe Families over so many years.

Over the last 10 years we have grown and developed.  Our big breakthrough was in 2018 with a big contract with CEC that lasted for 5 years.  That funding came to an end last year but we are delighted that in the middle of an incredibly challenging financial environment, we have got new funding in Edinburgh that will take us through to 2026.  Safe Families will be involved in family support hubs where families can get the help they need when they need it.

We have had the privilege of touching the lives of 100’s of families.

From October 2014 Safe Families in Scotland have:
  • Received 1640 referrals
  • Visited over 1000 families
  • Connected 764 families to a volunteer
450 in Edinburgh

107 ML

81 EL

90 WL
  • Hosted 47 families
  • 1682 children have benefited
  • 451 volunteers have supported a family
We are now in 9 local authorities in Scotland and around 55 around the UK.  Over the next year we will work with around 280 families in the course of one year across Scotland.  We are now in the Western Isles, the Lothians, Perth, Fife, Clackmannanshire, Aberdeenshire and we are in discussions with Stirling and there is in interest in the Borders and Falkirk.

As I have often said, Safe Families for me, is about ordinary people doing extraordinary things.  It’s about a volunteer knocking on a door where hope is in short supply, and offering love and connection.

And we see that in our outcomes:

· 95% of families have maintained or increased their social networks

· 93% have maintained or increased their happiness and wellbeing

· 92% have increased their confidence and self esteem

· 89% have maintained or increased their physical needs

· 91% reported that their family relationships had maintained or improved

· And 92% reported that their positive parenting had maintained or improved.

These outcomes are great but it’s the love and compassion behind these percentages that bring transformation to families.

Tomorrow, I’m speaking on Luke 10 – ‘who is my neighbour?’  Is your community just the people you like? Just the people who look like you?  Or are we called to stop and pick up the people who have been battered by others and have been left for dead.  The thing about a good Samaritan is that its messy. That’s why the Priest and the Levite walked past.  Its much easier to go to an elders meeting, or a finance committee or a Presbytery.  There are nice, neat agenda’s and there is a beginning and an end.

Safe Families is about the spare place at our table.  Radical hospitality with no strings attached.  It’s not just about offering a better service, its about creating a more compassionate society.  As Dr Thomas Guthrie often said, ‘an ounce of prevention is worth a ton of cure.’

Many of you have loved the one in front of you so well.  Today is a chance to for us to say thank you and to celebrate together this milestone in the history of Safe Families.

We’ve had some amazing events over the years –
  • Family Fun Days at Arniston House
  • Our 5-year anniversary in the Scottish Parliament,
  • Our Black-Tie event back in April at Inchyra.
We have. and continue to have some amazing staff who bring hope and belonging into the lives of families every day.

But when I look back on the last 10 years – the thing I want to celebrate the most is the unseen and the ordinary.
  • The text to a struggling mum in her darkest moment during lockdown.
  • The volunteer taking out a child who is struggling with crippling anxiety.
  • The volunteers who take out the non-verbal neuro-diverse boy so his granny can have a couple of hours to herself.
  • To the volunteer who helps a mum to empty rubbish bags that have been filled with dirty nappies form months.
  • To the volunteer who still meets a mum months after the support has officially come to an end.
  • The volunteer who takes the teenager with no confidence to the careers fayre.

Amazing acts of love and kindness that never hit the headlines and never results in publicity.

That for me is Safe Families, and that is what we are here ore celebrate today.  Somebody once said: ‘I’m not interested in whether you’ve stood with the great: I’m interested in whether you’ve sat with the broken.’

Thank for all of you who have done that so well.  Through your love, you have given 100's of children the most amazing memories in the midst of really tough times.  

As Fredrick Douglass once said: 'It is so much easier to build strong children than repair broken men' and I want to thank for all you have done to help children to thrive over the last 10 years.



Looking forward

Today as we stand at the crossroads of hopefully another 10 years, we are a new merged organisation with our friends from Home for Good.  Not only are we supporting families, but we are also seeking to find homes for young people who desperately need love and security.  Home for Good have excellent resources and training to encourage more people to foster, adopt or provide supported lodgings to teenagers.  If you are exploring fostering you can speak to the enquiry team here.  You can also sign up for an information event.

When Safe Families started in 2014 there were 15,500 looked after children in Scotland.  Today that number has reduced to 12,206.  It is great to see this number reduced, but for too many of our children we are still failing as a country.  20-30% of these children who are looked after will go on to be involved in the criminal justice system.

For the 3004 children who entered the care system in Scotland last year, around 700 of them are waiting for foster care, adoption and supported lodgings.  This is a huge opportunity for the church in Scotland to step forward.

Imagine if every church becomes a haven for families in crisis and a church where foster carers and adopters feel loved and supported by their church community?  Our vision is for a country where nobody feels alone because everyone deserves to belong.  We want to create relationship and connection so families experience love and hope in the midst of crisis.  

Over the last week we were looking at Matthew 10 when Jesus commissions the 12.  He said to his disciples ‘Freely you have received, freely give.’  We want to freely give as we seek to get alongside family who are desperate for hope and belonging in Scotland today.

We would love to expand our scope and reach, and we can only do that with partnering with more supporters, churches and local authorities.

Thank you for all you’ve done and as we look forward to the next 10 years, we would love for you to come on this journey with us.

Please spread the word to friends, to churches that together, we can make a difference.  As Martin Luther King often said 'lets, together, build a tunnel of love through the mountain of despair.'

For more information about Safe Families please click on this link.

If you would like to access some great training, sign up here.



Monday, 9 December 2024

A New Season - the launch of Trail Consultancy

I don't often share personal news on my blog but I wanted to let everyone know that after 9 very happy years at Safe Families I've decided to go in a new direction.  

Last May (2024) I attended the Keswick Leadership Course which helped me to reflect on where I was at and where I was going.  If you want a refresh on your leadership, I can't recommend a leadership retreat highly enough.  Other than feedback, a new perspective is one of the few ways our leadership will grow and flourish.  The Keswick Leadership Course brings together 20 leaders and, combines incredible content, great group work and individual coaching. During the week I felt a strong sense that my time in Safe Families had come to an end and I was being called to something new.  

During a session on identity and personal purpose we were asked what our personal values were and then we were asked to wrestle with the the following questions:

  • What gifts or talents have always come naturally to you?
  • When do you lose track of time?
  • What are you truly passionate about?
  • Where do you find energy?
  • What are you known for being exceptional at?
  • What would you do if you didn't need to earn money?
  • What makes you angry?
  • What change do you want to see in the world?
We were then encouraged to come up with a personal purpose statement.  Something happened that week that led me a new direction.  I've always been drawn to coaching and developing others, I love casting vision, I love new ideas, seeing leaders communicate passionately, and seeing people grow and flourish.  So somewhere in the Lake District, driving between Keswick and Ullswater the idea of a coaching/leadership business was born.   What is was called or what it looked like wasn't clear.  

During June, after a walk with a leader around the Murieston Trail, the name came to me.  After a bit of soul searching and a very nice steak dinner with my future business partner, Jonathan Innes, of Innes and Partners,Trail Consultancy was registered in 2024.  I'm very thankful to Fin Macrae at Dufi Art for some lovely logos.  

So what is Trail Consultancy for?  What is our leadership philosophy? 

Einstein once said 'If I had a an hour to figure out the most important question in the universe, I would sped the first 55 minutes making sure I understood the question' (quoted in R. Michael Andersons book 'Leadership Mindset 2.0).  So much of leadership is about awareness.  What is really going on here?  So often we need to slow down and get to the heart of the real issue.

But lets be honest, leadership is difficult.  There is no blueprint, no handbook and often there is nobody to guide you.  Leadership is not so much a destination but a journey and it important who you have with you.  Many of us were very competent managers and then we become leaders.  We need to move from doer's to conductors.  Many people simply never make this change.  

Trail Consultancy was set up to support leaders, teams and organisations to find purpose and direction so they can grow and flourish.  We don't want to see burnout and exhausted leaders we want to see leaders filled with energy and vision.  

We want to support leaders to slow down, take stock and recalibrate their direction and focus.  A coherent vision, communicated passionately can inspire teams and organisations to greatness. When teams have a shared and purpose driven vision, and where there is a culture of trust and belonging, great things can be achieved and staff can flourish.

We believe that great leaders, teams and organisations have four things which set them apart:

Passion – great leaders inspire followers.  This is why the character and identity of the leader is so important.  Personal development, learning and perspective allow leaders to inspire followers.  The modern obsession with micromanagement is killing creativity in many organisations.  Leaders need to rediscover what led them in to leadership, cast vision and communicate that passionately.   

Purpose – leadership is about a clear sense of direction.  Great leaders inspire others with a clear and coherent vision and create a culture of trust and belonging.  Trail wants to help leaders, teams and organisations to find a sense of direction and purpose.  When you know where you are going, it a lot easier when the storms hit.  Leadership is like the captain of a ship trying to chart a course often through choppy waters.  Keeping a steady course is so important to great leadership.

People – Your greatest asset is your team.  Investing in your team, creating a values driven culture sets organisations apart from their competitors.  Hiring the right people and setting the right culture are critical for success.  Trail can help you look at culture and systems to make your organisation great.

Perseverance – Great leaders get back up when they are knocked down.  They persevere and push through.  Maybe you feel you have lost your passion and purpose after a busy season, let Trail Consultancy walk with you as you seek to find a new perspective.  


We are officially launching in February 2025 but we are open to discussions about prospective work.  

We are offering the following services:

Leadership Coaching – Trail Consultancy can help leaders to grow and develop in their role through 1:1 coaching.  Leadership is all about finding your passion and purpose and then continuing to grow and flourish.  We can offer personal and team coaching to work through issues, support with a crisis or help during a time of change and transition. 

Communication and presentation – We can help you to communicate more effectively both internally and externally.  We can help you to think through your message, how you are delivering your message and also support you and your team to present with clarity and passion. 

Developing resilient and healthy teams – Culture is key to effectiveness and impact.  Trail Consultancy can help you develop a healthy culture and develop systems for staff to grow and flourish.  Recruitment, induction and managing staff are crucial to a great organisation and Trail can support you with this.  As R. Michael Anderson says in his book 'Leadership Mindset 2.0': 'Great leaders do not create followers; they create more leaders.'

Governance and financial health check – Trail Consultancy can provide  governance advice and a financial stability check so your organisation has the structures and stability necessary to plan for the future.  Good governance is critical to organisations and charities building a strong and stable future.  

If you would like to get in touch with us please email us here:

Andy Murray - andy@trailconsultancy.co.uk 

Jonathan Innes - jonathan@trailconsultancy.co.uk 



Saturday, 7 December 2024

Good News for the Poor - an interview with the Banner of Truth

This was an interview I recently gave at the Banner of Truth.  I chat a little about shinty, my background, how I came to Christ, my research and writing on Dr Thomas Guthrie and my work over the last 9 years with Safe Families.  If you want to know more about Safe Families and support the work please click on this Safe Families  


Thursday, 7 November 2024

Thomas Boston - A Model of Pastoral Diligence

This was a talk given by late father, Rev John J Murray at the Banner Border Conference 2001.

Thomas Boston is universally recognised as a pastor, theologian and writer of considerable significance. 

Jonathan Edwards spoke of him as 'a truly great divine'.

'One of the brightest lights in the firmament of the Reformed Church in Scotland.', in the opinion of Principal John Macleod

'If Scotland had been searched during the earlier part of the 18th century there was not a minister within its bounds who, alike in personal character, and in the discharge of his pastoral function, approached nearer the apostolic model than did this man of God' - Dr Andrew Thomson

'Thomas Boston was a common place genius. Not a common place man but a common place genius'. Rabbi Duncan

Somebody once said: '[Thomas Boston] did more to fan the flame of true piety in Scotland than that of any other single minister in his generation.'


Summary of his life

Boston laboured in two of the most remote and desolate parishes in the country and ministered in the most difficult times.  He faced the most heart-rending trails and difficulties in personal and family life yet he overcame and is a model of pastoral success in the most difficult times.

It is to the enrichment of future generations that Thomas Boston left Memoirs of his lifetime and writings, divided into twelve periods addressed in the first instance to his children. It is a spiritual classic.

1. A remarkable conversion

He was born on the 17th March 1676 in the Border town of Duns. He was the youngest of seven children. His parents belonged to the humbler middle class.

At an early age he went to school. 'The schoolmistress having her chamber in my father's house I was early put to school; and having a capacity for learning and being of towardly disposition, was kindly treated by her; often expressing her hope of seeing me in the pulpit'. About the age of seven he 'began to conceive a remarkable pleasure in reading the Bible'. At the age of 8 he went to the Grammar school in Duns.

His parents were godly conscientious Presbyterian folk who refused to bend to prelatic authority and suffered severely for it. His father John Boston was cast into Duns prison for non-conformity. One of Thomas' earliest memories was being of taken to prison to provide company for his father in his loneliness. 'When I was a little boy I lay in the prison of Duns with him to keep him company.'

'During the first years of my being at the Grammar School I kept the Kirk punctually, where I heard those of the Episcopal way; that being the national establishment; but I knew nothing of the matter, save to give suit and presence within the walls of the house; living without God in the world, unconcerned about the state of my soul, till the year 1687.'

It was in that year that James II granted the Presbyterians liberty of worship. One of those free to exercise his ministry unmolested was Henry Erskine, the father of Ebenezer and Ralph, the founders of the Secession. He was invited by the Presbyterians of the hamlet of Rivelaw near Whitsome, only some 5 miles from Duns, to minister to them. John Boston was not the man to listen to the curate in the parish of Duns when a saint and a sufferer like Henry Erskine were preaching 5 miles from his door. Considerable numbers of the Duns people, weary of the sapless and Christless preaching to which they had been constrained to listen in their native town, gladly walked to Whitsome each Sunday.

John Boston took his 11-year-old son to Whitsome and it was under Erskine's preaching that Thomas was effectually converted to Christ. 'My father took me thither and laid me in Christ's way'. He writes in his account

'By whose means it pleased the Lord to awaken me and bring me under exercise about my soul's state, being then going on in the 12th year of my age. After that I went back no more till the Episcopalians were turned out: it was the common observation in these days that whenever one turned serious about his soul's state and case he left them.'

He refers to his conversion in his Soliloquy on the Art of Man Fishing:

'Little wast thou thinking, O my soul on Christ, heaven, or thyself when thou went to the Newton of Whitsome to hear a preaching when Christ first dealt with thee; there thou got an unexpected cast'.

'I know I was touched quickly after the first hearing, wherein I was like one amazed with some new and strange thing.'

Erskine's ministry continued to be richly blessed to Thomas so that he would walk those 5 miles. come wind come weather, to obtain food for his soul and refreshment for his spirit:

'In the winter sometimes it was my lot to go alone, without so much as a horse to carry me through Blackadder water, the wading whereof in sharp frosty weather I very well remember. But such things were then easy, for the benefit of the Word, which came with power.'

He and two other boys from the school 'met frequently in a chamber in my father's house for prayer, reading the Scripture and spiritual conference; whereby we had some advantage, both in point of knowledge and tenderness.'

Here the true foundation was laid in Boston's life. Here his life long habits of self-examination, prayer and Bible reading with systematic meditation were formed at that time.

2. The call to the ministry

John Boston had doubtless by this time resolved that his youngest son should be a minister, and the son himself, before his school days were over, had secretly set his heart upon the same calling. There were difficulties in the way. The Boston's were not rich and Thomas thought of turning to a trade but his father would not hear of it. He was apprenticed to Alexander Cockburn, a notary in the town. This employment continued for two years and as he acknowledged proved of great usefulness in later life both in study and in the clerkships of Presbytery and Synod.

The Call: 'He brought it through many difficulties, tried me with various disappointments, at length carried it to the utmost point of hopelessness, seemed to be laying the gravestone upon it at the time of my mother's death: and yet after all he brought it to pass; and that has been the usual method of Providence with me all along in matters of the greatest weight'

At length he entered Edinburgh University in 1691. He studied unweariedly and he lived on scanty fare. Fearful of exhausting his father's slender purse he practised an economy that is notable even in a Scottish student. When he graduated in 1694 his College expenses - fees, maintenance and all - had only mounted up to some £14. We cannot wonder that he experienced bouts of fainting and a permanently weakened constitution.

In the summer of 1694 Boston received the bursary from the Presbytery of Duns and after an autumn spent in the private study of divinity, he entered on his theological course in Edinburgh at the beginning of 1695. Dr George Campbell filled the theological chair. He spent only one session there and chose to complete his studies under the Presbytery while supporting himself by working as a tutor. He became tutor to Andrew Fletcher the stepson of Lieutenant Colonel Bruce of Kennet, near Clackmannan, where he remained for about a year.

'Finding myself providentially settled there, in the character I bore, I judged myself obliged in conscience to seek the spiritual good of the family, and to watch over them and see to their manners. Accordingly I kept up family worship, catechised the servants, pressed the careless to secret prayer, reproved and warned against sinful practices, and earnestly endeavoured the reformation of the vicious'. (p 25)

To the end of his life Boston looked back on that year with the Kennets as a thriving time for his soul.

'The time I was at Kennet continues to be unto me a remarkable time among the days of my life…

Though it was heavy to me that I was taken from the school of divinity and sent to Kennet; yet I am convinced God sent me to another school there, in order to prepare me for the work of the Gospel, for which he had designed me: for there I learned in some measure what it was to have the charge of souls; and being naturally bashful, timorous, and much subject to the fear of man, I attained by what I met there, to some boldness, and not regarding the persons of men when out of God's way. There I learned that God will countenance one in the faithful discharge if his duty, though it be not attended with the desired success; and that plain dealing will impress an awe on the party's conscience, though their corruption still rages against him that so deals with them' (p 29-30).

On 15th June 1697 he was licensed by the Presbytery of Duns and Chirnside. His preaching soon began to attract attention. There was a force and freshness in it that arrested the common people. One would have thought that such a preacher would have been settled soon. The call although nominally in the hands of the people was practically in the hands of the principal heritor or landlord. In seven different parishes when the popular voice was for choosing Boston hostile forces intervened. He was a probationer for two years and three months.

3. Boston's first pastorate in Simprin

At length the heritor and people of one small parish was found to be agreed. It was the parish of Simprin in the rich country of the Merse about 8 miles south-east of Duns.

There is recorded in the Memoirs, his struggle to know the mind of the Lord 'with respect to the affair of Simprin'.
  1. The rarity of the godly there, and in the country
  2. The very smallness of their number
  3. The smallness of the stipend; moreover
  4. The temper and way of the fraternity, though good men not agreeable to mine
  5. The main thing that then stuck with me, The little opportunity to be serviceable there.
He was ordained there on 21st September 1699.

The little church measured some 15' by 60'. There was no manse. For the first three years of his ministry he was the tenant in old house at the west end of the town. It was not until 1702 that a new manse was built.

Boston had but 88 examinable persons. He discovered that such was the ignorance of the people that he needed to give the most elementary teaching. When he went there was only one home in which there was family worship. The Lord's Supper had not been observed for several years.

Before the first year was past his little parish was thoroughly organised. There was a forenoon and afternoon service. There was an evening meeting for the study of the Catechism. Every Tuesday a meeting for praise and prayer. Every Thursday in winter in the evenings and in summer in the daytime, there was a weekday service. Diets of catechising were held at regular intervals. Every household was regularly visited. Boston deliberately gave his best to what he called 'his handful'.

Habits were formed and his methods of devotion and study fashioned for good. It was here he found how the tone of the week is lowered by plunging into worldly business on Monday morning and it was here he formed the lifelong habit of spending the first hours of Monday in prayer. It was there that he first prepared himself systematically for family worship and opened morning family worship to any from the parish who wished to join with the family. Here began those family fasts. Above all it was at Simprin that Boston awoke to the sanctifying power of dogged work.

No pulpit work won by such prayer and fasting and study can long be powerless. There was a growing interest and a widening response until at last the little church was unable to accommodate the crowds especially at communion seasons. After seven years and eight months of concentrated labour there he could exclaim: 'Simprin! O blessed be he for his kindness at Simprin' 'I will ever remember Simprin as a field which the Lord had blessed'.

After seven years there was not a house without family worship.

4. Ettrick - Boston's second pastorate

It was with great reluctance that Boston moved from Simprin. The thing that seemed to influence Boston to Ettrick was its spiritual desolation. In the early centuries the district was covered with forest - Ettrick Forest. There were not more than 400 inhabitants. As late as 1792 the writer of the Statistical Account supplies a somewhat doleful description of his parish: 'This parish possess no advantages. The roads are almost impassable.'

The manse at Ettrick was in a ruinous state. 'Having hitherto had a sorry habitation in the old manse, it was this summer razed, and a new one built; I and my family, in the meantime living in the stable and bar; in the former of which were made a chimney and a partition'.

The people of that place were full of pride and self-assurance and deceit.  It was a sorely broken parish. The smouldering discontent with the Revolution Settlement had been fanned into a flame by Cameronians from the west. 'The common talk was all of separation, and of the lawfulness of attending service in the parish church'

'There were three parties in the place; 
1. the dissenter followers of John Macmillan and a considerable number who have been all along unto this day a dead weight on my ministry in this place 
2. an heritor in the parish with two elders dependants of his deserted the ordinances for 10 years 
3. the congregation of my hearers under the disadvantage of what influence these two parties could have upon them. There appetite for the ordinances I did not find to be sharpened by the long fast they had got, for about the space of four years'.

A four years' vacancy had wrought its natural effect. Services were irregular and the Lord's Supper had not been administered. People had lost the art of attention during service. Men had grown careless. They had lost the art of decent attention during service. They gossiped so noisily in the churchyard in time of sermon that one of the elders had to be told off to keep order there.

The lax morality

The vice of swearing was widespread. 'One thing I was particularly surprised with viz the prevalency of the sin of profane swearing; and was amazed to find blessing and cursing proceeding out of the same mouth; praying persons, and praying in their families too, horrid swearers at times.' He speaks of the frequent sin of uncleanness. what with fornication, what with adulteries, the place of repentance has been seldom empty since the planting of this parish.'

The first ten years were a hard struggle. After 8 years he told his wife 'My heart is alienated from this place.' What kept him there was the sad plight of the people if he left them.

But in the long run faith and prayer and study began to have their effect. 'The artless story of his study and his preaching and his daily wrestling with God, surrounded and shadowed as he was, is one of the noblest records that were ever penned. Slowly and surely his influence grew. Men felt the trust and power of his preaching. His fame spread. One of his action sermons had been published and word began to steal into the valley that it was making a deep impression in Edinburgh. Strange faces became common in the church. Then came the inevitable calls. Ettrick grew convinced at last that in losing Boston they would lose an incomparable minister. When in 1716 Boston came under call to Closeburn in Dumfries-shire a congregational fast was appointed by the session. It was the turning point in parish life. Henceforth he was to minister with a new authority and to be instrument of far larger blessing.

In his last communion in Ettrick he gave out 777 tokens for the Lord's Table.  In the end he outlived the opposition and gained from high and low a place of most remarkable esteem.  His memory is cherished with veneration in Ettrick

5. The influence of his books

Memoirs of Thomas Boston

It was written for his children.  'It is based on a faith in the particular providence of God, in the intimacy of His fellowship with His Children, and in the closeness of the connection between their spiritual and their natural life, the like of which perhaps no man of equal intellectual power ever attained. … The whole practical life of Boston turned on these two principles: first that it was his duty to try to ascertain, and his privilege to know if he tried properly, what the will of God was in relation to every matter, great or small with which he was concerned; and second that things both external and spiritual fell out with him well or ill just as he followed or failed to follow the divine will' Blaikie 197

Human Nature in its Fourfold State

This was his first book. It originated in a series of sermons first preached in Simprin and again in Ettrick. After a serious of mishaps it was published anonymously in 1720

'There is no book of practical divinity, not even William Guthrie's Trial of Saving Interest in Christ, nor Rutherford's Letters, that was more read in the godly homes of Scotland than this treatise. It did more to mould the thought of his countrymen than anything except the Westminster Shorter Catechism. It is of this work that Jonathan Edwards says that it 'shows Mr Boston to have been a truly great divine.' John MacLeod

It was reprinted some 100 times and translated into many languages.  It found its way and it was eagerly read by folks all over the Borders.

The Crook in the Lot

During the final months of his life he had been preparing this book for the press. The material first given as sermons was etched out of the sufferings that Thomas and Catherine had endured together. The subtitle is 'The Sovereignty and wisdom of God in the Afflictions of men, together with a Christian deportment under them.'

1) whatever crook there is in one's lot it is of God's making

2) that whatever God sees meet to mar, no one will be able to mend in his lot

3) that the considering of the crook in the lot as the work of God -that is of His making - is the proper means to bring one to a Christian deportment under it

This book has taught countless other Christian people to accept with meekness those sufferings appointed for them by a sovereign and merciful God.

A Soliloquy on the Art of Man-fishing 

This was penned during his time of probation. While reading the Scripture in private the words of Matthew 4.19 'Follow me and I will make you fishers of men' deeply impressed him and his heart 'cried out ' for their accomplishment. It was a sermonic meditation addressed to himself. No one outside the family saw it till it was published in 1773

6. What made Thomas Boston such an effective Pastor?

A thorough-going conversion work

To Boston conversion began with awakening from spiritual complacency to spiritual unease as one faces the reality of one's sin. This lead on through searching for repentance and faith and a new life with God. That in turn lead to a God-given evidence and confidence that one has been divinely enabled to turn from sin to a self-abandoning trust in Christ as the Sin-bearer and that one's heart has been renewed in the process.

Believing that the fallen human heart is desperately prone to optimistic self-deception the likes of Boston stressed the need for constant self-suspicion and self-examination.  Conversion was a deep and thorough work that led to on going soul exercise and continuous repentance.

An unmistakable call to the ministry.

His sense of call to preaching was strong. He is forever searching his mind and heart on the question of a call. There is no move without God.

'Three things were suggested to me in the call to Simprin

1 Unless I am sure of my call to it from the Lord, how will I stand against the discouragements I will meet with there?

2 How can I think of profiting them, if He send me not to them?

3 How will I stand with them before the tribunal of God, if I join with them without a call from Himself.'

A thorough grasp of theology

Boston was Bible man. Prick him anywhere and his blood is Bibline His preaching: 'There was in it a scriptural fulness that nothing but passionate devotion to the Bible gives'. Morrison 

He had scarcely any books:  'And thus my scarcity of books proved a kind disposal of Providence to me; I in that method arriving at a greater distinctness and certainty in these points, than otherwise I could have obtained' (P168)

The teaching of Thomas Boston was firmly grounded on the Westminster Confession of Faith. He was committed to the federal theology of the Confession. Federal theology organises Christian truth around the covenants of Works Redemption and Grace. .Boston set aside the distinction between the covenant of Redemption and the Covenant of Grace for fear of conditionality entering into the Covenant of grace.

Habits of prayer and self-examination

Boston speaks in one place about a debate he got into with one of the dissenters on communion with God. This SH gave his opinion that it consisted in doing the will of God and keeping his commandments. I told him that all communion was mutual and therefore it could not consist in that and that actual communion with God consists in the Lord's letting down the influence of his grace on the soul and the soul's reacting the same in the exercise of grace. O says he that is extraordinary; wherewith I was stunned. I told him that it was that without which neither he nor I would be saved.

Boston was a man of ardent prayer. Secret prayer was the congenial element in which his spirit lived, moved and had its being'. He did nothing without consulting the will of the Lord. It was the fundamental secret of the man and his ministry .It was manifest when he was a tutor he set aside time for fasting. He had his seasons of prolonged secret devotion in which 'prayer over flowed its banks like Jordan in the time of harvest.'

'Having allotted the morning entirely for prayer and meditation, some worldly thoughts crept in .. In the afternoon I somewhat recovered my forenoon's loss.'

'Which done I thought upon my sins and heart-monsters, till my soul was more humbled in me.'

Rigorous self-scrutiny

Rabbi Duncan said that Boston had a 'pernickety conscience' - one that took note of details of conduct and was intensely self-critical. 'He was accurately and extensively regardful of the divine law, in all manner of life and conversation (even in the things that escape the notice of the most part of Christians).'

'And then what pains he took to put things right again; what seasons he had of fasting and of intense self-scrutiny, and tearing down of idols, and passionate crying and tears - Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation and uphold me with thy free spirit. We may believe that Boston was often too hard on himself; we may believe that the languor he sometime s felt in duty was not due to God's forsaking him but was the natural reaction from a stain too intense and protracted, unrelieved by due rest and relaxation.'

He would be a very blind observer who did not connect this intensity of inward discipline with his great spiritual power.

After that minding to renew the covenant with God and subscribe it with my hand I drew it up in writing Duns August 14 1699 The covenant.

Dr Andrew Bonar used to tell with great solemnity what was said to him at the beginning of his ministry by an old friend and minister: Remember it is a remark of old and experienced men, that very few men, and very few ministers, keep up to the end the edge that was on their spirit at first’ Bonar p 339.

Andrew Bonar ‘One of the gravest perils that besets the ministry is a restless scattering of energies over an amazing multiplicity of interests which leave no margin of time for receptive and absorbing communion with God’.

Diligence in study and in work

Boston was industrious and studious self disciplined and well-organised.  Boston never seemed to rest. Always praying always studying always preaching always visiting always searching his heart drawing up covenants with God;  'Being twelve mile distant from the Presbytery seat, I attended it not in winter; but when I attended I ordinarily went way and returned the same day, being loath to lose two or three days on it.' He ends the Art of Man Fishing with the words 'If Christ should come and find you idle, when he is calling you to work, how will you be able to look him in the face?'

Boldness in declaring the truth

Boston was clear in this particularly during his tutoring in Clackmannan.  As we can see in the Art of Manfishing he would not trim his message to suit the heritors. He feared to soil his conscience by obtaining a parish on the wrong terms.

He renounced the carnal policy of trimmers and time servers who toned God's message down and presented the realities of sin and grace forthrightly, rebuking where necessary, pulling no punches, and leaving the outcome to God.

The Revolution Settlement was a compromise and a spirit of toleration crept. It was bound to do so where you have men within one Church of varying doctrinal views and lifestyles. The old theology began to be discredited and a theology more in harmony with the natural feelings of man began to show its horns.  The Simson case meant that he stood alone in his dissent in General Assembly.

A searching and discriminating ministry

Rutherford took the external character of membership. Boston had a much narrower view of the visible church and its membership. Boston knew true reality and was yearning after reality in the Church. He protested against formalism and indifference. The boundaries between the Church and the world were broken down. The undisguised worldliness of the Church. All who were not Turks or Pagans or Jews had been called Christian.

Boston argued that children derive their right to baptism not from their progenitors, but only from their immediate parents. The children of the promise are those whose parents have repented. Children of ungodly parents have no right to the seals of the covenant. No children but have but such as have at least one parent a visible believer has any right to baptism before the Church. He maintained that if the parents have no right to the table of the Lord then their infants have none to the ordinance of baptism.

1) If profane persons are granted the privilege they are likely to be hardened in their impiety.

2) The children themselves when they come to understand how their parents have lived, and that notwithstanding they had obtained baptism for them they will be inclined to despise as an unreal thing.

If hearing is not mixed with faith of what avail is it?

In Simprin and in Ettrick there was no rush to the sacrament. In Ettrick it was July 1710. This was the first time I administered it in Ettrick…I thought myself obliged to deal with every communicant personally'. Eventually 'in all there were but about fifty-seven persons of our own parish communicants'.

Preaching Christ

It was in the years as a probationer and in Simprin that his apprehension of the Gospel became clearer: 'I had much weakness and ignorance and much of a legal disposition and way, then and for a good time after undiscerned'

While still a probationer 'I began my preaching of the Word in a rousing strain; and would fain have set fire to the devil's nest. The first test I preached on was Ps 50.22 Now consider this I wen for the first two months Speaking with John Dysart of Coldingham (It was reported at Coldingham where most of his parishioners were Episcopalians he cowed opposition by carrying his pistols to the pulpit, and disposing of them there rather ostentatiously') 'But if you were entered on preaching of Christ, you would fine it very pleasant. I have often since that time remembered that word of Mr Dysart's as the first hint given me, by the good hand of my God, towards the doctrine of the Gospel'.

'Meanwhile being still on the scent as I was sitting one day in a house of Simprin, I espied above the window-head two little old books, which when I had taken down I found entitled, the one The Marrow of Modern Divinity the other Christ's blood flowing freely to sinners. These I reckon had been brought home from England by the master of the house, a soldier in the time of the civil wars. Finding them to point to the subject I was in particular concern about, I brought them both away. The latter a book of Saltmarsh's I relished not; and I think I returned it without reading it through. The other being the first part only of the Marrow I relished greatly… I found it to come close to the points I was in quest of and to show the consistency of these which I could not reconcile before. I had apprehended I had taken the hint from the Marrow and I had no great fondness for the conditionality of the covenant of grace'

These things while I was in the Merse gave my sermons a certain tincture which was discerned; though the Marrow from which it sprang, continued in utter obscurity,

He drank the renewing waters of the Marrow and the people drank from his preaching.

The Marrow of Modern Divinity 'The design of the whole is to elucidate and establish the perfect freeness of the Gospel salvation; to throw open the gates of righteousness; to lead up the sinner straight to the Saviour; to introduce him as guilty, perishing and undone; and to persuade him to grasp, without a moment's hesitation, the outstretched hand of God's mercy' (Blaikie p190)

The ground it supplied for a free and universal offer of the Gospel in harmony with Calvinistic doctrine, especially on personal election and particular redemption'.

The ground which the Marrow held to warrant such an offer was expressed by them in terms that God made 'a deed of gift' - a gift of Christ to mankind-sinners, and that every sinner of mankind was warranted and welcome to accept that gift. P191

Perhaps we may say that from this time the person of Christ came more prominently out than before in connection with the proclamation of the Gospel. Men were invited not so much to believe a doctrine of salvation as to entrust themselves to an all-sufficient Saviour

'From the very time of my settling here the great thing I aimed at in my preaching was to impress the people with a sense of their need of Christ, and to bring them to consider the foundations of practical religion' M p227

Earnestness and a passionate concern for souls

'Sin was such an awful thing - in one, around one, ever active, ever spreading its blight, ever offending God -that Boston could not get over it. As he looked into eternity and thought of lost sinners, the gloom gathered, his awe deepened. But this did not prevent him preaching a free and full salvation for all; it rather impelled him to increased earnestness in the proclamation.'

'When his congregation Banner 24 Boston felt deeply in his own heart every word of the Gospel he uttered

'Christ had the good of souls in his eye. When you preach let this be your design, to seek to recover lost sheep. To get some converted and brought to your Master.'

His Sanctified afflictions

'It is the usual way of providence with me that blessing comes through several iron gates.' He was a man of a melancholic disposition. He ate little as a student in order to eek out his father's small resources. He often fainted and appeared to be dying. His condition was so severe that his teeth blackened and gradually dropped out.

'...meanwhile my health was so broken, that I looked rather like one to be transported into the other world, than into my parish.'

He lost both his parents comparatively early; his mother when he was not yet 15 and this event even threatened for a time to put an end to his hopes of entering the ministry) and his father in 1701 when he was not yet 25 and recently settled in Simprin.

A loving and devoted father himself he had the sad experience of laying six of his own bairns in the grave - two while he was in Simprin and four at Ettrick

He himself was often ill suffering from much pain and weakness physically. On receiving the call to ettrick it is said that his health was so broken that he looked rather like one to be transported into another world than into another parish.'

And as though this was not enough his last twelve years were clouded with a great and grievous domestic grief. In the summer of 1720 his wife began to show signs of insanity. This dark eclipse of the spirit, although sometimes diminished seldom wholly passed away. Indeed in later years the gloom became darker still. It touched Boston on his tenderest point. She was confined to an apartment called 'the inner prison' and there she spent months and years the subject of a mental malady which no science or human device could mitigate

'I think I have thereby obtained soul-advantage; more heavenliness in the frame of my heart, more contempt of the world, as the widow that is desolate trusteth in God …more careful to walk with God, and to get evidence for heaven; more resolution for the Lord's work over the belly of difficulties' (ET)

7. Lessons from Bostons Life

The nature of true religion

Boston was striving after reality. 'Labour for the experience of religion in your soul that you may have an argument for the reality of it from your spiritual sense and feeling'.

Rabbi Duncan 'said that he should like to sit at the feet of Jonathan Edwards to learn what true godliness is and at the feet of Thomas Boston to learn how to reach it.'

'It is very certain that it is always to preachers of the type of Henry Erskine and Thomas Boston that men turn when they come to be in earnest about the state of their souls.'

How soft we are How easily we grumble at the least difficulty or affront we encounter

He endured hardship as a good soldier of Jesus Christ.

The nature of the grace of God in the Gospel and the danger of legalism

Legalism is any teaching which either distorts the free grace of God in the Gospel or distort the true nature of God's grace in the law or even fails to place the gracious law of God in its proper place in redemption.

Legalism is a distortion of the Gospel. It is also a distortion of the law. It is disguised in subtle form mixing the way of works with the way of grace. It is possible to have an evangelical mind and a legal heart. An orthodox creed and unsound heart. The men who opposed the Marrowmen were committed to the Westminster Confession.

For Boston the great danger was the new legalism (Baxterianism) which turned faith itself into a 'work' and presented it as the Ground of justification. Boston contended for unconditional grace to everyman without exception.

'The tear of repentance is shed by the eye of faith, and faith as it weeps stands before the cross'

By separating Christ from his benefits, Hadow and others had begun to fall into the categories of Arminianism and reduced the Gospel to a message about the benefits of Christ's death. Boston and his friends along with true orthodoxy preached not mere benefits but a saviour who is full of grace and able to save to the uttermost all those who come to God by him.'

The nature of Gospel Evangelism

Evangelism as carried on by preaching and pastoral admonition took time and was expected to take time. The Westminster tradition were realistic about the likelihood that the conversion process from start to finish would take months, just as the gestation and final birth of a human baby does. The main way in which God advances conversion in our day as in Boston's is through the sustained faithfulness of parents, friends and Church teachers witnessing, instructing and encouraging informally and of preachers expounding the Gospel.

There is a vital connection between the state of the ministry and the health of the Church.

We are reminded of the words of Richard Baxter ' All Churches either rise or fall as the ministry doth rise or fall (not in worldly grandeur) but in knowledge, zeal and ability for their work.'

'The great want of today is a holier ministry. We do not need more stalwart polemics, more mighty apologists, or preachers who compass a wide range of natural knowledge, important as these are; but men of God who bring the atmosphere of heaven with them into the pulpit and speak from the borders of another world’  Robert Sample writing in 1897.

The nature of God's work

'His great learning, his powerful gifts as a preacher and the force and sanctity of his character would have marked him out as eminently adapted for a higher sphere; but the days gad come when the other party manoeuvred to prevent the promotion of such ''high-flyers'' as the were called, and the result in this case was, to use his own expression, that he was ''staked in Ettrick'' 'Blaikie 196

It is not where a Christian serves but what quality of service he renders that really counts. Boston didn’t get his preferment in this life. He was not able to see fully the purpose behind his 'sea of troubles' in Ettrick. But while men who occupied prominent positions in the Church are largely forgotten the writings of Thomas Boston are read around the world today.

'Boston is a proof that the truths which penetrate deepest in the soul of man, which move it most powerfully, which transform it most thoroughly, and which are cherished most gratefully are those which form the warp and the woof of The Crook in the Lot and The Fourfold State.' Blaikie 197

8. The Difficulties he encountered

The Reformation in Scotland was more thorough and complete than anywhere outside Geneva itself. Established by law in 1560. Embraced Presbyterianism. Attempts to impose Episcopacy. Kirk resisted this in the National Covenant. The teaching of the Reformed Faith in the Westminster Confession and catechisms.

The Restoration of Charles II in 1660 undid all the good work of the Covenants and restored bishops. In 1662 Acts formally re-established episcopacy, outlawed the covenants, banned conventicles and re-introduced patronage. Some 270 of the best ministers in Scotland were deprived of their livings for refusing to accept the new establishment. This led to the Covenanter struggle and the killing times, which embittered the Presbyterians. .Indulgences in 1669 and 1672 were only moderately successful. Opposition was confined to the southwest where a small band that came to be called Camerionians renounced their allegiance to the king in the Sanguhair Declaration of 22 June 1680.

The Revolution of 1688 and in 1689 the Scottish crown was granted to William of Orange. On 7th June 1690 Presbyterian government was restored, the ejected ministers were reinstated. Parliamentary approval was given to the Westminster Confession of Faith. Patronage was conditionally abolished.  It was in many ways a compromise.

1)The right of nomination of ministers remained with heritors.

2) Many Episcopalians ministers were encouraged to remain in their parishes under the re-established Presbyterian system. They outnumbered the Presbyterians and their presence was to have a baneful effect on the Church.

The doctrinal and spiritual decline

James Fraser of Brea: 'I perceive that divinity was much altered from what it was in the primitive Reformers' time… I abhorred and was at enmity with Mr Baxter as a stated enemy to the grace of God, under the cover of opposing Antinomianism.'

Dr John Macleod: 'There was a way of putting things which dealt in a very gingerly fashion with the grace of the Gospel, and fenced its freedom with such restrictions and conditions as turned it into a new law and abridged the comfort and assurance of salvation that believers are warranted to cherish.'

It was only after 1714 that the extent of the drift became evident.

John Simson was Professor of Divinity at Glasgow in 1706. He taught students from West of Scotland and Ulster. In 1715 charged with propagating Arminianism. The General Assembly appointed a Committee to investigate the Charge. Its report was not given until the Assembly of 1717. He questionable modes of expression but did not intend to deviate from the Confession. He was acquitted with a warning 'not to attribute too much to natural reason and the power of corrupt nature to the disparagement of revelation and efficacious free grace'

At the next diet of the Assembly In the following diet was taken in a proposition calculated by the Presbytery of Auchterarder for opposing the erroneous doctrine of Professor Simson. In an effort to counteract the Arminian and Legalist teaching of the time they resolved to ask student for licence Do you subscribe to the following proposition 'It is not sound and orthodox to teach that we must first forsake sin in order to our coming to Christ and instating us in Covenant with God' A young student William Craig hesitated to give assent to it. The Presbytery refused to give him an extract of the licence. He appealed to Assembly and won. The Assembly declared it abhorrence of the Auchterarder creed.

That day proved to be a watershed in the history of the Church of Scotland. 'In the condemnation of that proposition was the beginning of the spate for several years after ran in the public actings of the Church against the doctrines of grace, under the name of Antinomianism'. It was in that assembly that Boston mentioned the book that was to be at the very centre of the dispute and gave the controversy its name The Marrow of Modern Divinity. The Marrow 1641 and 1648 Edward Fisher 12 years in a legalistic spirit approved by some of the Westminster divines a distillation of the best divines Luther Calvin etc

'Hence the more one pursues communion with God, he will more narrowly observe providence; and when he grows remiss and negligent as to communion with God he lets these things easily pass' I 197

'The timing of providence the great weight of a dispensation sometimes lies in this very circumstance, that then it came, and neither sooner or later.'

Thomas Boston was a man of God. Before his death 'young and old had come to pronounce his name with reverence. It has become a synonym for holy living'









Saturday, 5 October 2024

The Friendships of a Spiritual Leader

This was a talk given at the Cross Training Weekends at Gowanbank and Alltnacriche, October 2024.  The theme of the two weekends were 'Spiritual Leadership' and this talk was delivered alongside 'The Mission of a Spiritual Leader' and 'The Character of a Spiritual Leader' by Joe Barnard from Holyrood Evangelical Church in Edinburgh.  If you want to understand more about the vision for Cross Training please read 'The Way Froward' and 'Surviving the Trenches' both excellent books by Joe.

'Two things are essential in this world - life, and friendship.  Both must be prized highly, and not undervalued.  They are natures gifts.  We were created by God that we might live; but if we are not to live solitarily, we must have friendship.' Augustine.

If you ask me what is best in my life, I’m going to give you names.

For most of us, the greatest joy in our lives is spending time with the people we love.  Of course, the most important thing today is the gospel.  But beyond the gospel, its relationships that ultimately makes life what it is, isn’t it?

Let me ask you this question; If you were to lose your job next week, if your marriage was to end for some reason, or go through a rocky spell, where would you turn?  Whose house would you turn up at in the middle of the night?  

I know there are at least two or three doors I could turn up.  The kettle would be put on, we would chat late into the night and I would be shown to a warm bed. 

I went away with one of those friends a few months ago and we shared some of the joys and sorrows of parenthood.  We walked by the beach, we talked about the old days, we laughed, we prayed, and we re-connected.  It was long, long overdue but I’m so glad we did it.

Why did it take us nearly 20 years?  Because friendship is not something we value, is it? 

Friendship is not something we think much about and certainly the theology of friendship is very neglected.

If we are going to be spiritual leaders in our homes, in our marriages, in our churches and in our places of work we must lean into friendships.

In 2009, Bronnie Ware wrote an online article called ‘Regrets of the Dying’ which were her reflections of nursing terminally ill patients as a palliative nurse. 

The article was viewed by millions of people worldwide and Bronnie went on to write a best-selling book entitled ‘The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.’  These were her conclusions:

  • I wish I’d had the courage to a live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
  • I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
  • I with I’d had the courage to express my feelings. 
  • I with that I had let myself be happier.
  • I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Its sobering isn't it?  Perhaps as Christians we would add something like 'we wished we had lived more in the light of eternity.'  But will we come to the end of our lives and regret how little we invested in friendship?

As Drew Hunter says:

‘Each one of us will eventually step into our final week.  Some of us will know when we do.  If so, we will take a thoughtful glance backward.  And we won’t wish we had put in more hours at work.  We won’t wish we had taken more extravagant vacations.  We won’t wish we had spent more time staring at a screen.  But we will wish we had spent more time with our friends.’ Made for Friendship, p 37

One of our great legacies in life can be the friendships we make and nurture. 

When my sister, Anna, died aged 51, she left behind her dozens of heartbroken friends.

She devoted her life to hospitality and friendship – will we leave a similar legacy?

I want to ask you 3 questions:

·         What is friendship?

·         Why is it so difficult?

·         Why should we invest in friendships?  For three simple reasons;

a.       Friendships steady us in the storm

b.       Friendships give us balance in the busyness

c.       Friendships ground us when we are in the grip of sin



1.          What is Friendship? 1 Samuel 18 v 1-4

The Bible has plenty to say about friendship.

Drew Hunter in ‘Made for Friendship’ defines friendship in this way:

‘Friendship is an affectionate bond forged between two people as they journey through life with openness and trust.’ Made for Friendship, p 80.

Brian Croft defines friendship as ‘an intimate relationship of love, trust and loyalty.’ Pastoral Friendship, The Forgotten Piece to Preserving Ministry, p 16.

We see this phrase '...your friend who is as your own soul..' in Deuteronomy 13 v 6 that is then repeated in I Samuel 18 v 1, 3 and 20 v 17 with regard to David and Jonathan. 

What does this tell us about friendship?

Firstly, we read that their souls were ‘knitted together.’  This word literally means to ‘bind together.’  To conspire.  Friendship means we are united in purpose and loyalty with somebody else. It doesn’t mean we agree with them all the time, but it does mean we are united to them in all the ups and downs of life. 

Secondly it says in v 3 that Jonathan loved David 'as his own soul'.  There was real affection in this relationship.  We struggle with 'love' in our friendships, don’t we?  Love is for marriage, for girlfriends, but friends? We see this incredible love in 2 Sam 1 when David mourns the death of Jonathan and describes his friendship as 'surpassing the love of women.'  Their friendship was 'very pleasant' to him. 

Thirdly Jonathan covenants with David.  If anyone is coming for David, they will have to go through Jonathan.  He formalises their friendship. This is no loose relationship.  They don’t hang out over a pint – this is a formal pact of mutual devotion and love. If David goes down, Jonathan will go down with him.  

We see this with Naomi and Ruth don’t we?

‘For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge.  Your people shall be my people, and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there will I be buried.’  Ruth 1 v 16-17.  

The relationship has gone beyond family bonds, and she uses the language of covenantal love. 

Fourthly, Jonathan gives him his robe, his armour, his sword, his bow and his belt. Jonathan sacrificed what he had for his friend. Whatever he had, it was David's.

What is friendship about?  Loyalty, affection, commitment, sacrifice and consistency.

Do you have friends like that?  If you have treasure them.  As Spurgeon says; 'When thou hast found such a man, and proved the sincerity of his friendship; when he has been faithful...to thee, grapple him to thyself with hooks of steel and never let him go.'

Drew Hunter makes the point in 'Made for Friendship,' you maybe think that a Bic Mac is an ideal dinner because you have never tasted steak. Many of us only know fast-food friendship.  What we need is sirloin friendships like David and Jonathan. 

If you want to grow in your spiritual leadership, friendship isn’t a luxury it is a necessity.

As the 19th century Anglican JC Ryle says:

‘This world is full of sorrow because it is full of sin.  It is a dark place.  It is a lonely place.  It is a disappointing place. The brightest sunbeam in it is a friend.  Friendships halves our troubles and doubles our joys.’

Leonard Sweet says in '11 Essential Relationships You Gotta Have!' - ‘The real meaning of life is not a journey question or an arrival question.  It’s a relationship question.  Your journey and your destination are both important, but neither is possible without an answer to this prior question: Who do you have with you? 

Who do you have with you as you journey through life?

The two greatest myths of leadership are:

           ‘I am a rock, I am an island’ - I don’t need anyone; I am strong and resilient. 

           I only need one relationship to meet all my needs

We live and work on many levels and we need many different kinds of people to be healthy and whole. 

The big question for all of us is 'who will you be holding hands with when you cross the finish line?'

2. Why is Friendship so Hard?

a)         Busyness

We’re all busy aren’t we?  When we are young, when we are studying we think we are really busy.  But then marriage comes along, and then kids, and then a career and then church leadership.  Sometimes we feel like we are drowning.  We hardly have time to catch a breath.

In his book ‘The Way Forward’ Joe makes the point that modern fatherhood is exhausting.  We are part uber driver, event planner, sports coach, counsellor, psychiatrist, mentor, champion. Joe says: ‘Thus by the time men hit middle age they physically have no bandwidth left.  Coffee grinds can carry them so far.  At the end of a typical day, all spiritual duties excluded, men are toast.’ The Way Forward, p 21.   

That is where some of you today – you have little or no time for friendships.  Your life is already packed. Perhaps many of you are on the point of burnout.  Brady Boyd said: “Ultimately, every problem I see in every person I know is a problem of moving too fast for too long in too many aspects of life.”  When Crossway asked 6000 readers in 2016 about burnout the top 3 reasons that could have prevented burnout were:

·         Consistent spiritual disciplines
·         More counsel with friends
·         More sleep

Connecting with God and connecting with others help us to reset and get perspective.  They keep us in balance, they help us to keep the main things the main things.  

Busyness crowds out deep connection and friendships. 

b)         Technology

Email, texting and social media have literally transformed how we interact. 

They can often complement our relationships.

But unfortunately, as Drew Hunter say ‘we often trade deep communion for digital communication’. 

Stephen Marche in his 2012 article ‘Is Facebook Making Us Lonely’ says:

‘We live in an accelerating contradiction: the more connected we become, the lonelier we are. We were promised a global village; instead, we inhabit the drab cul-de-sacs and endless freeways of a vast suburb of information.’

Social media has allowed us to have more connections but fewer real friendships. 

As Drew Hunter says:

‘Friendship should be more like a submarine, holding few and going deep.  But we’ve made it more like a cruise ship, filled with lots of nice people whom we don’t know well at all.’  Made for Friendship p 26.

c)         Mobility

Relationships take time, they need deep soil. But we live in a transient society.

Mobility can stop us from putting down deep roots and investing in lasting relationships.

Our grandparents often stayed in the same community for their whole live while we hardly know our neighbours.  Mobility means that struggle to make deep connection.  



3. So why invest in friendships?

a) Friendships steady us in the storm - 1 Samuel 23

In 1 Samuel 23 v 15-18 David is being hunted. 

David must have been filled with fear, discouragement and a sense of isolation.  Perhaps he felt crushed. Proverbs 18 v 17 says: ‘A mans spirit will endure sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear?’

David remained in the ‘strongholds of the wilderness.’ He is in the wilderness of Ziph.

What does Jonathan do?  He visits him at Horesh with a message. 

When we are crushed, we need presence.  We need people.

Texts and emails have their place but in your moment of darkness friends show up.  They drive through the night, they overcome every obstacle. 

Isn’t that what Christ did for us?

And what does Jonathan say?

·         ‘Do not fear’ v 17.
·         He assured David of God’s protection v 17.
·         He reassured him of God’s promise to make him King v 17.
·         He pledges his support and again makes a covenant v 18.

Jonathan breaks all family loyalty for covenantal friendship. ‘You shall be king over Israel, and I shall be next to you.’ 

Jonathan was risking everything for his friend.  He could have been killed as a traitor. 

We need friends who will visit us when we are in the wilderness, when we are filled with fear, when we are lonely, when we are discouraged. 

‘Anxiety in a mans heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.’ Proverbs 12 v 25.  Who needs a ‘good word’ from you today?  A call, a text a visit? 

When Archibald Brown heard of Spurgeon’s death in 1892, he said:

He has been to me a very Elijah, and I have loved in any way possible to minister to him.  Our roots have been intertwined for well nigh thirty year.  Is it any wonder that I feel almost powerless this morning to think of him as a preacher, as an orator, as an organiser, or anything except the dearest friend I have ever known. 

What a legacy – to be a friend in the wilderness and in the storm. 

‘A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.’ Proverbs 17 v 17. 

That is what Cross Training is all about – getting brothers around you for the day of adversity.  Breakfasts and book studies aren’t enough we need a band of brothers who will steady us in the storms of life. 

b)  Friends provide balance in the busyness – Exodus 18 v 13-14

Maybe today feeling totally overwhelmed.  Outwardly everything looks fine but inwardly you know that all is not well. Everyone wants a piece of you. Your spinning plates and they are smashing all over the place. The warning lights are flashing all over the dashboard at the moment.

David Murray in his really helpful book Reset talks about some of the warning lights that we might be heading for burnout.

Physical warning signs

·         Exhaustion

·         Lethargic

·         Bad skin, chest pains, stomach cramps, palpitations.

·         Erratic, fitful sleep

·         Excessive drinking and comfort eating. 

·         No exercise – totally neglecting your physical wellbeing. 

Emotional warning signs

·       Pessimistic or hopeless.  ‘Worry stalks your waking hours, and anxiety climbs into bed with       you every night.’

Mental warning signs

·         Concentration is hard; distraction is easy.

Relational warning signs

·         There is no real delight in your marriage or relationships.

·         Irritable and snappy.

·         You seek isolation and avoid social occasions. 

Vocational warning signs

You work a 50+ hour week – you have that feeling of making a millimetre of progress in a million different directions.

Moral warning signs 

·         Dabbling with pornography

·         You play with lust or flirt with women who are not your wife.

Spiritual warning signs

·         Devotions have dried up.

·         Church is a chore – you skip it whenever you can, you avoid fellowship.

Maybe you can identify with many of these signs and you are feeling overwhelmed.  

That was like Moses in Exodus 18;

When Moses’ father-in-law saw all that he was doing for the people, he said, What is this that you are doing for the people? Why do you sit alone, and all the people stand around you from morning till evening?’

We see in Ex 18 v 17-23 that Jethro didn’t mince his words. ‘What you are doing is not good.’

Jethro told him to choose able men from amongst the Israelites to share the load.

Friends can see when we are overwhelmed and can gently challenge us and guide us. 

We need to do this before we loose everything.  As Joe says: 'The consequences of this isolation can be devastating.  Like people climbing out of the rubble after an earthquake, a lot of men wake up in their late forties to the realisations that their wife is gone, their kids hate them, and that the BMW in the garage doesn't fill the void.  They are like drivers who have driven through the night not realising a wrong turn was taken 500 miles back.  If they had had someone in the passenger seat, the error might have been detected'  The Way Froward, p 29. 

Proverbs 13 v 20 says: ‘Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.’ 

We need friends to give us balance in the busyness of life and to help us have a grace paced life in a burnout culture.

c) Friendships keep us grounded when we are in the grip of sin – 2 Sam 12

True friendship involves speaking the truth in love.

Imagine if 1 year from now you were about to do something that would wreck your marriage, destroy your children, break up your family and bring shame and bring dishonour on the name of Christ.  Imagine if you started flirting with a girl from the office or rekindled a friendship with a school friend or became inappropriately involved with a woman from church.

Imagine it developed over the next 12 months.  

Who in your friendship circle could see it happening and warn you?

We all need a Nathan, don’t we?  What Leonard Sweet calls an ‘editor’. 

As he says: ‘Your Nathan may sometimes be a donkey that refuses to move or a whale that re-scrambles your relationships, restructures your realities and regurgitates a purged you up in the shore.’  Leonard Sweet, 11 Essential Relationships You Gotta Have!

We all need a welcome intruder when we are drifting off course.

Let’s be brutally honest – David seemed pretty happy in his sin.

He had just gratified himself sexually, he had murdered Bathsheba’s husband.

He had tied up every loose end.

And then Nathan showed up and had the guts to confront his king with his sin.

‘I anointed you king over Israel, and I rescued you from Saul.  I gave your masters house to you and your masters wives into your arms, and I gave you the house of Israel and of Judah.  And if that was not enough, I would have given you even more.’  2 Sam 12 v 8.

David swapped the momentary pleasures over integrity and enduring righteousness.

As Joe Barnard says in The Way Forward:

‘What David lost sight of while lured by lust was the reality that the fullness of joy was not in the arms of a woman but at God’s right hand.  God could have – and indeed would have – provided David with far more joy, and better joy, than any guilt- infused affair could supply.  Yet sadly the sun was eclipsed by a candle, and david chose a one-night stand over abiding communion with God.’  P 32-33.

If only David had friends who would have corrected him sooner. 

If it was David's son Solomon who wrote Proverbs I wonder if these words were referring to his father?

Better is open rebuke than hidden love.

Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.

One who is full loathes honey, but to one who is hungry everything bitter is sweet.

Like a bird that strays from its nest is a man who strays from his home. 

Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel.                                                                         Proverbs 27 v 5-9

We need friends to expose our sins and keep us grounded.

That is what we need as spiritual leaders.

When we are dozing at the wheel of the car, when there is disaster around the next corner, we need a friend to grab the wheel, to shake us out of our slumber and to get us back to driving straight n the paths of righteousness.

Who is your Nathan?  Do you have a friend who can be your moral compass?

Conclusion

Hopefully by now you are convinced that friendship is important. 

You may also be thinking – friendship is a bit different to what I thought.

But ultimately there is one friendship that matters more than any other. 

Our friendship with Christ. 

‘A man that hath friends must show himself to be friendly, and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.’ Proverbs 18 v 24.

I don’t know what you would say if you were facing crucifixion.

We read what Jesus said in John 15 v 12 – 17.

‘’No longer do I call servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my father I have made known to you.’

Christ as mediator, has told us everything the father asked him to tell us in the Covenant of Grace.

He no longer calls us servants but friends.

A servant doesn’t know what his master is thinking or planning.

·         Servants are kept at a distance.

·         Servants are not trusted

·         Servants are denied information

But our Lord says here ‘No longer do I call you servants…but I have called you friends.’

There is a change of relationship going on – the followers of Jesus are being moved from the outer circle to the inner circle. 

What does it mean to be a friend of Christ?

We might translate it this way – I no longer call you mere servants, ordinary servants but I also call you friends.

Drew Hunter finishes 'Made for Friendship' with a chapter on 'The Great Friend'.  He makes these points about our friendship with Christ.  

·         Christ loves us with deep affection

Christ doesn’t love us with reluctance but gladness.

We love to spend time with friends but are we longing to spend all eternity with Christ?

Do you run to him when you sin?

Christ receives us with open arms when we break his holy law.

Its not that his grace his cheap, but he is ready to forgive. 

·         Christ will love us to the very end.

His love is constant and covenantal.

Even Jonathan’s love wasn’t perfect, but he points to the perfect friend of sinners. 

·         Christ holds nothing back

‘For all that I heard from the Father, I have made known to you.’

·         He stirs with compassion

Maybe you are walking through a dark valley at the moment.

Christ cares, he knows and he sympathises.

·        Christ speaks to us with candour and honesty. 

You need friends today, you need brothers for the battle ahead, but most of all you need to cultivate the friendship of Christ. 

He’ll never let you down, he’ll always be faithful and through his friendship you will radiate a glory and a beauty that draws others to his friendship. 

As Thomas Goodwin pit it: 'You have entered into a covenant of friendship with God, make something of it.'

Joe says in his book The Way Forward says that a man is the average of his 5 closest friends.

Maybe you need to find some new friends today.  Maybe you need to lean into friendship in a new and more intentional way.

Become friends with some of the great saints of the past: Andrew Bonar, Robert Murray McCheyne, Thomas Guthrie, Amy Carmichael, Hudson Taylor, Jim Elliot, Jonathan Edwards.

Let their lives infuse you with passion and zeal for the friend that sticks closer that a brother.