'The purpose in a mans heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out.' Proverbs 20 v 5.
Who has influenced you on your leadership journey?
When I was a young, immature and a very insecure leader I was mentored by somebody who modelled godly, humble and gracious leadership. I remember running an idea past him (that I thought was a very good idea) and I still remember his response: 'that is the worst idea I have ever heard in my life.' Looking back he was right and I'm glad he had the courage to tell me. He was like my Nathan and Jethro with a bit of Barnabas thrown in!
We all need people around us in leadership who can speak into our life. We all need mentors. But what is a mentor? One definition is; ‘A mentor is a person who shares their knowledge, skills, and/or their experience, to help another person, or group of people, to progress and develop.’ Many of our friendships are symmetrical, but what we need in a mentor as Joe Barnard says in this podcast 'is an asymmetrical relationship for the sake of wisdom.' A mentor gives us a different perspective, they have a different elevation, they have maybe experienced some of the valleys and pitfalls of life and can help us avoid hitting some of the avoidable buffers or cliff edges of life. We see many examples in the Bible with perhaps the most famous being Paul and Timothy and Paul and Titus.
A Diversity of Council
Perhaps the two most common leadership myths are that firstly we can go it alone. This is endemic amongst ministers and pastors. The second myth is that all we need is a sympathetic spouse who we can confide in. The reality is that life is getting more complex and in order to survive as leaders we need a multiplicity of relationships. As Leonard Sweet says: ‘The worst thing you can do is to create a matched community, an inner circle of people who see life exactly as you do. Life is becoming more complex not less, which necessitates and even greater diversity of counsel.’ (11 Indispensable Relationships You Can't be Without, Leonard Sweet, David C Cook, 2008).
The Challenge of Leadership
· Leadership is not an exact science. There is no text book and there is rarely much in the way of induction. We all eventually hit our leadership ceiling. Sometimes our organisations grow and we are faced with challenges we never envisioned. The reality is that there is a huge difference between a leadership training course or reading a book and applying this to our leadership experience. We are all on a leadership journey and we never arrive as the 'finished article.' We all have blind spots and its incredible how people reach senior positions without ever having feedback. It is not uncommon to attend events where senior leaders stand up and are almost incapable of communicating a cohesive vision with passion and clarity. Nobody has helped them to become a better leader.
Managing through our insecurities
We all take our baggage with us when we go in to leadership. Leaders have many fears and insecurities. John Maxwell says: ‘Insecure leaders are like fireworks with a lit fuse. It’s only a matter of time until they explode, and when they do, they hurt everyone close to them.’ Other fears include:
- Fear of being found out
- Fear of accountability
- Fear of losing control/power
- Fear of not being liked
- Fear of not being respected
- Fear of rejection
- Fear of failure
Who do you have with you?
As Leonard Sweet says: ‘The real meaning of life is not a journey question or an arrival question. It’s a relationship question. Your journey and your destination are both important, but neither is possible without an answer to this prior question: Who do you have with you?' What we need to be better leaders is the right people. But what kind of relationships do we need? Leonard Sweet in his book 11 Indispensable Relationship you can’t be without helps us to see the essential relationship we need on our leadership journey. I've found them very helpful and I hope you do as well.
1. Who is your Nathan? You need an Editor
Bible passage: 2 Samuel 7 and 12.
We all get lost in leadership. A Nathan is a ‘welcome intruder’.
A Nathan will:
·
Get under your skin.
·
A Nathan helps us keep our egos in check.
·
Ask questions.
·
Tells the truth.
‘Your Nathan may sometimes be a donkey that refuses to move or a whale that resrcambles your relationships, restructures your realities and regurgitates a purged you up in the shore.’ Leonard Sweet
2. Who is your Jonathan? You need a true friend
Bible passage: 1 Samuel 23 v 15-18
‘There are only two people who can tell you the truth about
yourself – an enemy who has lost his temper and a friend who loves you dearly.’
Antisthenes the Cynic
A Jonathan:
·
Is loyal when it’s hard to be loyal
·
The first to call in good or bad times
·
A Jonathan gives and gives and wants nothing
back
·
A Jonathan walks with you in all seasons, like
the winter of your discontent
Why is finding a Jonathan so hard? Leonard Sweet says it because people have the 'egosystem syndrome or ‘What in in for me?’ The problem is that that people have the ‘No down elevator’ Syndrome. They are not willing to go down deep for relationships. At the top we have the façade level, then the acquaintance level, then the friendship level and then finally we get to the intimacy level. Many of us struggle to dig deep enough, or be vulnerable enough to have a Jonathan.
· 3. Who is your Jethro? You need a ‘motivator’.
Bible passage; Exodus 18
·
Who steps in when they see you are overwhelmed?
·
Who offers gentle guidance on where to find a
better balance?
Bible passage: Phillipians 2 v 19 - 24, 1 Timothy 1 v 2, 18
and 3 v 11-16. 2 Timothy 1 v 2-4
Who are you investing for the future?
·
There is a difference between clones and
heirs.
·
They may play a different tune but be on the
same mission.
Bible passage: Acts 13
· An encourager rather than enabler. ‘Who works like steroids to your spirit?’ To whom are you an encourager?
Bible passage: 1 Corinthians 1 v 4-9
Who is speaking wisdom into your life? Who is your mentor? Who is helping you apply knowledge so you become wise.
Sweet offers a few tips for choosing a mentor:
· Humility – one who knows but knows they don’t know it all.
It is not the one who has all the right answers but the right spirit
·
Honesty –they are known to be truthful and
virtuous.
·
Honor – these are people who are honoured and honourable.
Bible passage: Judges 4
·
At some point in your leadership journey you
will feel attacked and overwhelmed.
·
Sometimes a back-coverer fights with you in
front lines but most times pray from a distance.
·
You can Deborah people you don’t know. You don’t
have to be a good friend to someone to watch their back and take up for them.
·
We can Deborah generations that come before and
after us.
Bible passage: Luke 19 v 1-10
·
Not all relationships are cosy and tidy.
·
People may be shocked by your relationship with
this person.
·
They are unlikely to be behind you in the pew.
Bible Passage: Acts 12 v 13-15
·
Investing in one who has childlike faith.
Bible passage: Acts 16 v 11-15 and John 11.
·
Do you have somebody who is generous to you, who
invests in you?
·
Spend time with the poor.
11. Where is your Jerusalem? You need a place.
Bible passage: Mark 1 v 35
·
Where do you rest?
·
What is your ‘deserted place?’
·
Where do you seek God?
·
Where do you feel close to God?
Bible passage: John 15 v 26 - 16 v 15
The reality is that in the life of every believer our Jethro's and Nathans can let us down. Our Barnabas can stop encouraging and our Deborah's fail to cover our backs. But the Christian leader has an invisible but reliable support and comfort in the Holy Spirit.
To quote Sweet: 'The Comforter doesn't mean a cuddly blanket or a hot water bottle but a bracing friend who helps us bear every burden, lift every load, climb every mountain, ford every stream. Jesus has sent his Holy Spirit to guide us, comfort us and protect us Jesus was abandoned by his disciples in Gethsemane, but the Spirit was with him.
Conclusion
Leadership is tough and can be very lonely. Who do you have with you on the journey? As Leonard Sweet says 'who will you be holding hands with when you cross the finish line?' Think about the relationships you need to help you be a better and wiser leader.
Further reading
11 indispensable relationships you can’t be without, Leonard Sweet, Published by David C Cook, 2008.
Insecurity: An Explosive Quality in the Life of a Leader, John Maxwell
https://www.johnmaxwell.com/blog/insecurity-an-explosive-quality-in-the-life-of-a-leader/
The Mentor Relationship: An Exploration of Paul as Loving Mentor to Timothy and the Application of This Relationship to Contemporary Leadership Challenges
https://www.regent.edu/journal/journal-of-biblical-perspectives-in-leadership/paul-and-timothy/
Mentoring Stages in the Relationship between Barnabas and Paul
https://www.regent.edu/journal/journal-of-biblical-perspectives-in-leadership/mentoring-stages-in-the-relationship-between-barnabas-and-paul/