“For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord, to do justice and judgment; that the Lord may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him.” Gen 18 v 19
I remember sitting at my first Banner of Truth Youth Conference in the early 1990’s. The speaker kept saying how thankful we should be if we had been brought up in a Christian home. I didn’t really appreciate that until I graduated as a young naïve social worker in 1995. I walked into my first job in a secure unit for young people who were a danger to themselves and the community. I remember reading their files thinking ‘how could things go so badly wrong?’ ‘Why did nobody intervene earlier?’ Scotland has radically reduced the number of secure placements but unfortunately the abuse of neglect and children has continued over the last 30 years. The young people I worked with received therapeutic interventions and support to deal with their abuse and trauma My colleagues showed them a lot of compassion, but nothing can compensate for the love of a family. As Dr Guthrie used to often say ‘an once of prevention is worth a ton of cure.’
So, what is God’s purpose for the family? In an age when the Biblical definition of marriage and the family is under sustained and aggressive attack from secular atheists this is a question we need to revisit. It is not just a theological question; it is a question of critical urgency for the future of our nation. Scotland is a nation in deep, deep crisis. Our Scottish jails are currently bursting at the seams with 8500 prisoners. Many prisoners have been looked after (in care), many are from homes where there is multi-generational trauma, abuse, offending and addiction. It is just one symptom that shows how much trouble we are in as a nation. Scotland has been living off its Christian legacy for many years but the dam in now starting to break.
The collapse of marriage and family life has affected almost every area of society. Over the last 50 years we have seen the erosion of authority, the explosion of crime (particularly sexual crime,) plummeting rates of marriage, the epidemic of drug and alcohol addiction, the increase in domestic violence and the collapse of respect in our schools. Parental separation is now clinically recognised as amongst the main ACE’s (adverse childhood experiences). A report in 2025 found that young men in the UK are now more likely to have a smartphone than a father (Lost Boys, Centre for Social Justice, 2025). Fatherlessness is now widely recognised as a key factor in the declining standards of educational attainment for boys. In the year 2024-25 17,336 children in Scotland were subject of an inter-agency referral discussion due to some concern about abuse or neglect. Some of these concerns may not be serious and some are resolved quickly but many children become subject to a supervision order or are taken into care.
We see the problem. Our society is in crisis. So, what is the answer? More funding and legislation? More drug programmes? More police?
As Christians we are not against a safety net when people are in crisis,
but it must always support the structures and institutions God has gifted us:
the church and family. The last 50 years
have shown that the state cannot and should not replace the family. God has instituted the family for our own
good and blessing and we depart from God’s model at our peril. But returning to our question, what is God’s
purpose for the family?
A Covenant Community
God has created us as social
beings and he intended that we grow up in community. Identity is forged in the family. We have a sense of belonging as we grow up with
stability and nurture. Children see in
their parents’ marriage what forgiveness should look like, what patience should
look like, what commitment should look like.
Values are learned in the home.
Restraint is taught in the home as children learn the law of God. God relates to his people in covenant. At the centre of a stable society is the
covenant of marriage which produces family.
This is God’s design and we rip it up at our great cost. Many of us have spent out whole careers
working with children who have not had the privilege of a loving and stable
home and the effects can be catastrophic.
A Nursery of Faith
The home should also be a nursery
for nurturing faith. Fundamentally, Christian family life is about passing on
the faith to our children. As God says
to Abraham in Gen 18 v 19, fatherhood is about instructing our children in the
way of the Lord by doing righteousness and justice. Children need to see the gospel lived out in
the home. Children need to see that
Christ is central to family life.
Fathers need to take the lead and set the tone in the home. Sadly, in so
many Christian homes there is no family worship, grace is rarely said before
meals and the Lord Day is as much for football training and entertainment as it
is for worship. Parents need to
communicate ‘as for me and my house, we will worship the Lord’ Joshua 24 v
15. Are we really showing to our
children that the gospel is of eternal significance to our lives and
theirs? Sunday religion alone is a
disaster for nurturing faith.
A Model of Grace
We are all sinners: parents and
children. The family is the place where
we learn righteousness but also see forgiveness. Proverbs 22 v 6 instructs us to ‘Train up a
child in the way he should go: even when he is old he will not depart from
it.’ Parenting need’s purpose. We are not to let children find their own way;
we are to instruct them and teach them.
Our homes need to be rich in Biblical content. Our children need to be under the gospel week
by week. They need to be disciplined in
what is right and what is wrong. But our
children also need to see an example of grace.
For those of us who are fathers, our children need to see the tenderness
and gentleness of our Heavenly Father in our dealings with them (Psalm 103 v
13). Our children will make mistakes on
social media, choose unwise friends and make poor decisions as we once did. Rather than standing with the rod of rebuke
we need to the model grace and forgiveness.
A Place of Refuge
The Christian family needs to be
a place for prodigals. We pray that our
children come to Christ but if they don’t we keep the light on and pray. They may come back with hard hearts, but we
pray that one day they will come back like the prodigal son in Luke 15. It is tragic to hear of Christian parents who
won’t even talk to their children because of the choices they have made. We can disagree but keep the door of
communication open and show them how much we love them and long for them to
return to the faith they were brought up with.
Most of all they need to see the beauty of Christ in out lives as we
interact with them.
‘Turn us Again O Lord of Hosts’
The Christian view of marriage
and the family has been under sustained attack for the many years. As Christians, we have tried to warn of the
effects of tampering with God’s blueprint.
We can take little satisfaction in seeing those dire warnings coming
true before our eyes. The victims are so
often the most vulnerable in our society – children and young people. Unless the Lord in his mercy restores our
nation there is nothing to replace the family with. The
state as a corporate parent is a poor, and often abusive substitute. As believers, we have a great opportunity to
use our families as a witness of love and hospitality to a watching world. Who doesn’t love entering a home filled with
warmth and love and joy. Our homes can
be beacons in a dark world. But our
great prayer is the Lord would turn the tide in our nation by the power of the
gospel. Our only hope for our society
and for the restoration of marriage and the family is in the Lord: ‘Turn us
again, O Lord of hosts, cause thy face to shine: and we shall be saved.’ Psalm
81 v 19.
