Everyday Hero

What makes a good father?  As the father of five boys most people seem to think I have this particular question nailed.  I don't.  But I do spend a huge amount of time thinking and praying about it.  Over the last 19 years I have made a lot of mistakes, shed a lot of tears and had the privilege of a very patient wife and five long-suffering sons who still love their Dad (even when he messes up).  I also talk to lots of other Dads who struggle with all the same issues I do; juggling all the pressures of work, family and church, trying to pay the mortgage while always trying to nurture our own relationship with God.  I've written before on my own upbringing and reflections on my own father in 'Reflections of a Forty-something Father' which you can access here.

Obviously our parenting style is heavily influenced by our own parents.  I had a really happy childhood but it was overshadowed by the death of my sister, Lynda in 1980.  You can read about my reflections here.  Watching my parents cope with this trauma taught me a lot about resilience and faithfulness in difficult times.

A few other things stick out in my mind that helped me form my own view of parenting.  One was when I was out in America in 1992.  My Dad was ministering in Detroit but we had the chance to travel around.  We visited some friends up in Lamont called the Lannings.  I remember being incredibly impressed with Ray and Linda and how 'normal' their kids were.  As a family they loved Jesus, they had fun, they loved sport, they were involved in their community and they all seemed to get on as a family.  I guess it felt very 'holistic' or 'joined up'.  I remember, as a 19 year old, chatting to Linda about raising kids and she said something I never forgot.  She said that she had agreed with Ray, before they even had kids, that they would parent in such a way that they would enjoy their children and wouldn't have to spend their all their time disciplining and correcting them.  This meant setting down the ground rules early, communicating expectations and then covering everything in lots of love and prayer.

For us, this means putting family worship, at the centre of our family life every day. Reading the Bible, prayer and singing the Psalms introduce a whole set of values to my boys on a daily basis. Most importantly they learn about Jesus, the greatest example who ever lived.  People seem to think that worshipping as a family is really difficult.  But it doesn't need to be.    This year we have been reading through Kevin De Young's 'The Biggest Story - How the Snake Crusher brings the Garden back to Life'.  It is beautifully illustrated by Don Clark and is made up of short chapters that take you through the whole Biblical story. We are also using Tim Keller's new book 'My Rock My Refuge' which is a lovely meditation on the Psalms.  Either would be a great place to start worshipping together as a family.  We've also really enjoyed the 'Jesus Storybook Bible' by Sally Lloyd-Jones for the younger kids.  Our latest book is 'Exploring Grace Together' by Jessica Thompson which is short but has good solid Biblical content.

I'm a great believer in bringing up boys to be boys.  I encourage my boys to play shinty, football, attend army cadets, get muddy and occasionally have a wee scrap (they can almost take me when they jump me at the same time).  I try and keep them off the Xbox and other devices as much as possible and make sure they treat their mother and brothers with respect. Most of all I want them to grow up knowing and loving Jesus.  We have that great promise from Proverbs 22 v 6 'Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.'

I hope (and pray!) that my boys look on me as some kind of example albeit a very imperfect one.  I guess I would love to be their hero - maybe not a super hero but I would just settle for an everyday hero.



A father worth imitating

 

Me, no 1 son and my dad: looking sprightly at 80

Parenting and fatherhood is without doubt the biggest challenge I have ever faced.  I blogged about it last year on Fathers Day which you can read here.  Kirsteen and I have been leading a parenting course at church over the last few weeks which has been great but there is also a lot of wincing as I think back to some of the things I've said and done as a dad.  Thankfully kids have short memories and are very forgiving when their dad messes up.  It has been useful to discuss the foundation of the family but I have particularly found the discussions around the 5 love languages really helpful: affirming words, affectionate touch, 1:1 time, thoughtful presents and kind actions.  All common sense but when I think of my daily routine I am ashamed how little I practice it sometimes.  There is a good website called The 5 Love Languages which you can view here.   I haven't read Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell's book yet but certainly intend to.  The experience of meeting with other parents to discuss these issues on the Parenting Course, and some of the challenges we face has been a huge help to Kirsteen and I and chance to re-evaluate our parenting.

 

Given the challenges we all face as Christian fathers I'm always on the look out for helpful articles like the one on Desiring God Ministries blog called 'A father worth intimating' which you can read here. It is about James Paton the father of John G Paton who went out to the New Hebrides to minister to cannibals.  It talks of James Paton's faithfulness in little things.  As the article says we can all become spiritually fatigued as fathers.  We need to be inspired by examples such as James Paton.  The article finishes by saying 'The noble task of fatherhood is fraught with temptations. And one of the greatest temptations is that our good efforts go without avail. With shortsighted vision, we fathers can be tempted to give up.'  If you want to read the inspirational life of John G Paton, John Piper has written a book called 'John G Paton - You Will Be Eaten By Cannibals!'

The temptation to give up or become mediocre in our parenting is something that can face us all.  James Paton reminds us that very often God is achieving much more that we think as we struggle through our lives.  I was really encouraged recently by a sermon I heard by Joel Beeke on Caleb.  You can listen to it here. 

 

Caleb gave the minority report along with Joshua in Numbers 13 and the people wanted to stone him.  Rather than crumbling under pressure Caleb remained firm and we read that he entered into the Promised Land with his children (Numbers 14 v 24).  He endured the scorn of others but remained faithful to the Lord.  Not only was the Lord faithful to him but also to his family.  This is a great encouragement to us that our God is a God of covenant and is faithful to us and to our children. 

 

 

Fatherhood is a huge calling.  Thankfully we are not asked to do it without some great examples and a Heavenly Father who is the ultimate example of patience, longsuffering and love.  While I may not always be a great father at least I can point my boys a perfect heavenly father who will never let them down.  Surely he is a father worth imitating.

Building hope in Glasgow

One of the many privileges of my job with Bethany Christian Trust is to see some of the amazing things God is doing around Scotland.  Yesterday I was through in Glasgow visiting Stuart Patterson who planted a church in Easterhouse over 2 years ago.  I met Stuart when he was sharing his testimony at a prison bible study 2 weeks ago.  He shared how he had been drawn into the gang and drug culture of Easterhouse on the 1980's but was wonderfully saved.  After a period in Teen Challenge Stuart has returned to Easterhouse to set up a church in an old bingo hall in the Shandwick Shopping Centre.

Like so many large housing schemes people immediately associate Easterhouse with poverty, gang violence, unemployment and addiction.  Built in the 1960's Easterhouse, at its peak, housed 60,000 people.  It's hard to believe but the older residents testify to the fact that the scheme was built in the 1960's without shops, schools, leisure centres or any other amenities.  By the 1960's and 70's there was territorial battles and the scheme was made famous by the intervention of Frankie Vaughan.

 

Easterhouse had a strong gang culture in the ‘60’s and 70’s, mainly amongst the boys but in some sections of the girls as well…You learnt how to do three things. You learnt how to fight, make people laugh or how to run really fast! I was known as Artillery because I stood at the back and threw bricks, and when things turned sour, I ran.             2000 Glasgow Lives interview with A McSherry

Today the population of Easterhouse is around 26,000 with many of the same social problems as it had 40 years ago.  Adult male unemployment is running at 60% with high levels of addiction, poor health indicators and high levels of deprivation.

Stuart has found a fantastic location for Easterhouse Community Church.  Situated right in the heart of the community in the Shandwick Shopping Centre its great to see an old bingo hall being used as a place of worship.  The church has a job club running on a Tuesday and Thursday and is trying to reach out to some of the people that even some of the core funded job agencies won't touch.  Stuart spends a lot of time talking to shoppers in the shopping centre and all like all successful church planters realises the importance of relationships and a long term commitment.

Stuart took me to see some of his old battlefields from the 1980's and it was good to see that peace had broken out!  There is still some of the old territorial battles going on but it has reduced from what it was even 20 years ago.  Stuart is keen to harness this fierce local identity as he seeks to create different worship locations around Easterhouse.

 

 

It was also good to see the offices of Family Action in Rogerfield and Easterhouse after hearing so much about them over many years.  Bob Holman has always been one of my heroes in social work and deserves a huge amount of credit for what he has done with FARE.  Well done to Duncan Bannatyne for investing some of his wealth in the work of FARE.

 

 

After a hearty fry up with Stuart it was time to head off to see Shirley Berry at the Findlay Family Network.  Started 7 years ago the FFN are doing some great work around Maryhill and Possilpark.  Working in partnership with Findlay Memorial Church and Clay Community Church the FFN are supporting different levels of community support.   Their focus is on families and are doing a great work with some of the most vulnerable families in North West Glasgow.  They are respected partners with both social work and education who see them as competent providers of excellent family work.  It was humbling to visit The Grove in Possilpark and hear from staff and volunteers about the various community projects that were running.  The Grove is a partnership between FFN and Clay Community Church and they use shop front on Saracen Street.  It is great to see the church right in the heart of the community.

 

 

A great day in a very warm Glasgow!  God is doing some great things though some amazing people.  The church in many parts of the country is reengaging with the community and making an increasingly significant impact.  I was reading yesterday from Joshua chapters 1 and 2 about the children of Israel being commanded to go across the Jordan in to the promised land.  There was anxiety about going in to a new place where there would be new challenges. Three times in chapter 1 the Lord says 'Be strong and of good courage' (ch 1 v 6, 7 and 9).  We need a similar courage to engage with some of the most hard to reach communities in Scotland today.  We need to pray for pastors like Stuart Patterson who are willing to plant a church in an area with huge social issues. 

 

While there are many challenges, there are also many promises is the bible that if we reach out to the poor, God will bless.  In Isaiah 58 v 10 God says; 'If you pour yourself out for the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then shall your light rise in the darkness and your gloom as the noonday.'  We need to put aside the denominational divisions that are hampering so much of the work in Scotland today.  Out of the 26,000 people who live in Easterhouse Stuart estimates that there only 300 who attend church.  The need is huge and our great priority needs to be the gospel of redeeming grace.  As Thomas Guthrie once said 'Let each select their own manageable field of Christian work. Let us embrace the whole city, and cover its nakedness, although, with different denominations at work, it should be robed, like Joseph, in a coat of many colours. Let our only rivalry be the holy one of who shall do most and succeed best in converting the wilderness into an Eden, and causing the deserts to blossom as the rose' (The City its Sins and Sorrows, Guthrie, 1857, p 111).