Safe Families: Good Friends who love Deeply

This was a talk given at the Safe Families Scotland Team Away Day, June 2024

'The call to genuine love has profound implications for our families, our churches and the watching world.  Love forges diverse friendships, preserves marriages in the face of disappointment, protects children, restores people to the truth, reconciles relationships after misunderstanding or wrongdoing, welcomes the marginalised and outcast, and demonstrates a countercultural way of living that ensures people will know that we are Christians by our love.  And the love we have for the lost leads us to practice radical hospitality, welcoming those who are different from us.'  Crossway Daily Devotional.

What is our vision for Safe Families?  That's easy right?  Its on the wall of our offices: No one should feel alone. We exist to create relationship and connection because everyone deserves to belong.  But what underpins our vision?  We need a vision that outlasts any one person, any office move, any contract loss.  We need a vision that is bold, Biblical and enduring.

I guess the question I’ve always asked is what fuels hope?  What brings transformation into the lives of parents and children?  What fuels hope is connection and compassion.

Some of you might have heard of Bobby Herrera, Co-Founder and President of the Populos Group.  He has written a great book called The Gift of Struggle.  After the Second World War war millions of Mexicans lined up to become ‘bracero’s’ in the US. Only 300,000 a year were chosen.  They had to work long hours in terrible conditions.  Bobby’s father became a Bracero in 1954.  His family joined him in 1964.  Bobby was one of 13 kids and as a teenager he worked 10 hours, 6 days per week.  Bobby talks about how he felt invisible as a kid goring up in poverty.  When his mum sent him to the grocery store to get milk he hid behind the dumpster until nobody was looking so nobody would see him using food stamps.  He used to make a big distraction in the dinner que at school so nobody would see the staff ticking his name off the free school meals. 

But one day, when Bobby was 17, his brother Ed and he were returning from a basketball game.  Bobby and his brother couldn’t afford to buy meals on school trips so when the bus stopped at a restaurant, they stayed on the bus and ate their packed lunch.  It was routine for them to miss out on a burger, so they were beyond embarrassment.  But as Bobby and Ed were about to eat their packed lunch, one of their team mates fathers came on to the bus, Mr Teague. ‘Bobby,’ he said, ‘it would make me very happy if you would allow me to buy you boys dinner so you can join the rest of the team.  No one else has to know.  To thank me, you just have to do the same thing in the future for another great kid like you.’

Bobby says that for the first time in his life he didn’t feel socially invisible.  That one act of kindness changed his life. Years later he phoned up Mr Teague to thank him and Mr Teague broke down on the phone. Now, wherever Bobby goes he tells the bus story. 

I guess we all have a bus story.  One, or perhaps several, acts of kindness that gave us hope in the darkness. In Romans, Paul gives us a masterclass in theology.  In the first 11 chapters he explains what the gospel of grace looks like.  He explains God’s wrath on unrighteousness, how nobody is righteous, the need to trust in God’s righteousness in Christ, the need for faith, how a sinner is justified, life in the Spirit, how we are heirs with Christ in glory, how nothing can separate us from the love of Christ.  And then in chapters 12-15, Paul explains what a Christian should look like.  What are the practical implications of being a justified sinner?  Three things:

-         Sacrifice v 1-2

-         Service v 3-8

-         Love v 9-21

What does Christian love look like?

1. It is genuine Rom 12 v 9-10

As The Message says: ‘Love from the centre of who you are, don’t fake it.’ 

‘Let love be genuine.’  Our love is to be sincere and without hypocrisy.   As the AV says ‘Let love be without dissimulation.’  We are not to hold back with our love – it is to be expressed freely and generously. 

But love is not to be fluffy and sentimental.  Christian love hates what is evil and challenges injustice.  Love and righteousness go hand in hand.  ‘Abhor what is evil; cleave to what is good.’  Loving others means taking a stand against evil. 

Our vision in Safe Families is to empower the church and Christians to show love and kindness to the widow, the orphan and the stranger, sincerely and authentically.  As Christians, we don't believe in tick box love.  

We want to fight the systems that lead to injustice and inequality.  Its not fair that a kid form care is more likely to go into prison.  Its not fair that a kid in poverty doesn’t get to access activities that other kids do.

Love can and does change the world.  Love puts others first:  ‘Outdo one another in showing honour.’  Or as The Message says: ‘Practice playing second fiddle.  When we love, the invisible become visible. 

2. It is persistent Rom 12 v 11-13

Love perseveres.  In some ways its easy to love, but its very difficult to persevere in love.  Christian love is energetic.   

‘Don’t burn out; keep yourselves fuelled and aflame.  Be alert servants of the Master, cheerfully expectant.  Don’t quit in hard times; pray all the harder.  Help needy Christians; be inventive in hospitality.’  The Message, Romans 12 v 11-13.

Christian love doesn’t burn out, it doesn’t quit, it doesn’t give up on people because they are a waste of space.

That is our vision at Safe Families.  We go where others haven’t and where many don’t want to go. We stay the course with families that people have washed their hands of.  We believe in ‘inventive hospitality’. 

How can we use our homes, our spare bedroom, our spare time to love those on the margins of our society?  

3,  It is inclusive Rom 12 v 14 - 21.  

Love can be genuine and persistent, but it can by picky.  Most Christians have no problem showing hospitality, as long as it to people who look like them and share their views on the Bible. 

But the uncomfortable thing about the Bible is it says that Christian love involves loving even those who hate us.  We are to feed our enemy and offer him a drink. We are not to condemn the teenage mum, we are to welcome her in and love her. 

Paul commands us not to haughty but to associate with the lowly.  Never be conceited.  ‘Make friends with nobodies, don’t be the great somebody.’

Love crosses divides. What else but the love of God will cause a Russian and a Ukrainian or a Jew and a Palestinian to break bread together. 

Isn’t it amazing how much Christian theology is framed around food and eating together?  Christian love is shown through hospitality, by eating and drinking with our enemies and by gathering together around the Lord’s supper.  It is a picture to us that one day all God’s people will be together at the marriage supper of the lamb. 

What is our vision?  We want to create thousands of bus moments for families across Scotland. 

We want to show love that is genuine, love that is persistent and love that is inclusive.  As it says in Romans 12 v 9-10: ‘Love from the centre of who you are; don't fake it.  Run for dear life from evil.  Hold on for dear life to what is good.  Be good friends who love deeply, practice playing second fiddle.’

 Safe Families is being good friends who love deeply. 

Hope and Belonging - 10 Years of Safe Families in Scotland

This was a talk I gave at an event to celebrate 10 years of Safe Families. The event was at The Faith Mission on 26th October 2024.

Well, it’s great to see so many friends here today to join in this celebration of 10 years of hope and belonging for families.

As we look back and look forward, we wanted to do that with the people that had made all this possible, our staff, volunteers and supporters.

Looking back

Nearly 30 years ago I started my career in social work not very far from here in Howdenhall road.  I still remember my first shift in Howdenhall Secure Unit in November 1995.

We were working with some of the most damaged and traumatised children in Scotland.

Some of them were violent but most of them were just scared, lonely kids who were desperate for love and a sense of belonging.

I still remember taking 2-3 kids sledging on Christmas Day because they had no safe home to go to.

I remember thinking at the time ‘how is our system so dysfunctional that we allow children to get to the point where they need to be locked up in units that cost £5-6k per week?

Wouldn’t it be better for children, for society, for cost efficiency that we get involved with families earlier before the damage is done?

Why don’t we design services around what families need and want rather than waiting until children need to come into care?

Why don’t services conform to family’s needs rather silos and departments designed by accountants rather than practitioners?

So often we don’t step back and ask the simple question: what actually brings change?

How are people transformed?  What gives people hope?

When we are in crisis, when we are feeling low, we seek out the people we love don’t we?

Its connection that fuels hope. Its love that sustains and fortifies us.  Its community that makes us feel safe and supported.

Some of us need professional services, but most of the time we prefer informal support don’t we?  What if we could create a service like that?  

So, when I first heard about Safe Families, I didn’t need much persuading.

The question was, could it become a reality in Scotland?

In 2013 I was working for Bethany Christian Trust and I saw first hand what could be done in partnership with the local church to eradicate homelessness.  Partnership, collaboration, vision could create night shelters, deliver food on the streets, provide addiction services and support churches to offer hope in deprived communities.  What if we could partner with churches to offer hope and belonging to families?  And so, in October 2014 Safe Families was born.  If it wasn't born, its future was certainly cemented in a coffee shop at the top of Leith Street when Lyn Hair and I met and I asked her if she would come on as out first Senior Family Support Manager.

I want to pay tribute to Lyn today. I don’t think I’m exaggerating to say that if it wasn’t for Lyn, there would be no Safe Families in Scotland.  Lyn was our first family support worker, volunteer trainer, volunteer assessor, grant application writer, staff trainer and many, many other things.  Thanks Lyn, we appreciate all that you brought to Safe Families over so many years.

Over the last 10 years we have grown and developed.  Our big breakthrough was in 2018 with a big contract with CEC that lasted for 5 years.  That funding came to an end last year but we are delighted that in the middle of an incredibly challenging financial environment, we have got new funding in Edinburgh that will take us through to 2026.  Safe Families will be involved in family support hubs where families can get the help they need when they need it.

We have had the privilege of touching the lives of 100’s of families.

From October 2014 Safe Families in Scotland have:

• Received 1640 referrals

• Visited over 1000 families

• Connected 764 families to a volunteer

450 in Edinburgh

107 ML

81 EL

90 WL

• Hosted 47 families

• 1682 children have benefited

• 451 volunteers have supported a family

We are now in 9 local authorities in Scotland and around 55 around the UK.  Over the next year we will work with around 280 families in the course of one year across Scotland.  We are now in the Western Isles, the Lothians, Perth, Fife, Clackmannanshire, Aberdeenshire and we are in discussions with Stirling and there is in interest in the Borders and Falkirk.

As I have often said, Safe Families for me, is about ordinary people doing extraordinary things.  It’s about a volunteer knocking on a door where hope is in short supply, and offering love and connection.

And we see that in our outcomes:

· 95% of families have maintained or increased their social networks

· 93% have maintained or increased their happiness and wellbeing

· 92% have increased their confidence and self esteem

· 89% have maintained or increased their physical needs

· 91% reported that their family relationships had maintained or improved

· And 92% reported that their positive parenting had maintained or improved.

These outcomes are great but it’s the love and compassion behind these percentages that bring transformation to families.

Tomorrow, I’m speaking on Luke 10 – ‘who is my neighbour?’  Is your community just the people you like? Just the people who look like you?  Or are we called to stop and pick up the people who have been battered by others and have been left for dead.  The thing about a good Samaritan is that its messy. That’s why the Priest and the Levite walked past.  Its much easier to go to an elders meeting, or a finance committee or a Presbytery.  There are nice, neat agenda’s and there is a beginning and an end.

Safe Families is about the spare place at our table.  Radical hospitality with no strings attached.  It’s not just about offering a better service, its about creating a more compassionate society.  As Dr Thomas Guthrie often said, ‘an ounce of prevention is worth a ton of cure.’

Many of you have loved the one in front of you so well.  Today is a chance to for us to say thank you and to celebrate together this milestone in the history of Safe Families.

We’ve had some amazing events over the years –

• Family Fun Days at Arniston House
• Our 5-year anniversary in the Scottish Parliament,
• Our Black-Tie event back in April at Inchyra.

We have. and continue to have some amazing staff who bring hope and belonging into the lives of families every day.

But when I look back on the last 10 years – the thing I want to celebrate the most is the unseen and the ordinary.

• The text to a struggling mum in her darkest moment during lockdown.

• The volunteer taking out a child who is struggling with crippling anxiety.

• The volunteers who take out the non-verbal neuro-diverse boy so his granny can have a couple of hours to herself.

• To the volunteer who helps a mum to empty rubbish bags that have been filled with dirty nappies form months.

• To the volunteer who still meets a mum months after the support has officially come to an end.

• The volunteer who takes the teenager with no confidence to the careers fayre.

Amazing acts of love and kindness that never hit the headlines and never results in publicity.

That for me is Safe Families, and that is what we are here ore celebrate today.  Somebody once said: ‘I’m not interested in whether you’ve stood with the great: I’m interested in whether you’ve sat with the broken.’

Thank for all of you who have done that so well.  Through your love, you have given 100's of children the most amazing memories in the midst of really tough times.  

As Fredrick Douglass once said: 'It is so much easier to build strong children than repair broken men' and I want to thank for all you have done to help children to thrive over the last 10 years.

Looking forward

Today as we stand at the crossroads of hopefully another 10 years, we are a new merged organisation with our friends from Home for Good.  Not only are we supporting families, but we are also seeking to find homes for young people who desperately need love and security.  Home for Good have excellent resources and training to encourage more people to foster, adopt or provide supported lodgings to teenagers.  If you are exploring fostering you can speak to the enquiry team here.  You can also sign up for an information event.

When Safe Families started in 2014 there were 15,500 looked after children in Scotland.  Today that number has reduced to 12,206.  It is great to see this number reduced, but for too many of our children we are still failing as a country.  20-30% of these children who are looked after will go on to be involved in the criminal justice system.

For the 3004 children who entered the care system in Scotland last year, around 700 of them are waiting for foster care, adoption and supported lodgings.  This is a huge opportunity for the church in Scotland to step forward.

Imagine if every church becomes a haven for families in crisis and a church where foster carers and adopters feel loved and supported by their church community?  Our vision is for a country where nobody feels alone because everyone deserves to belong.  We want to create relationship and connection so families experience love and hope in the midst of crisis.  

Over the last week we were looking at Matthew 10 when Jesus commissions the 12.  He said to his disciples ‘Freely you have received, freely give.’  We want to freely give as we seek to get alongside family who are desperate for hope and belonging in Scotland today.

We would love to expand our scope and reach, and we can only do that with partnering with more supporters, churches and local authorities.

Thank you for all you’ve done and as we look forward to the next 10 years, we would love for you to come on this journey with us.

Please spread the word to friends, to churches that together, we can make a difference.  As Martin Luther King often said 'lets, together, build a tunnel of love through the mountain of despair.'

For more information about Safe Families please click on this link.

If you would like to access some great training, sign up here.

Good News for the Poor - an interview with the Banner of Truth

This was an interview I recently gave at the Banner of Truth.  I chat a little about shinty, my background, how I came to Christ, my research and writing on Dr Thomas Guthrie and my work over the last 9 years with Safe Families.  If you want to know more about Safe Families and support the work please click on this Safe Families