24 Words - Grief

This is the seventh of 24 blog 'thoughts' throughout June as part of a challenge to honour my sister Anna Murray who died on 20th October 2019. You can read my reflections on my sister here and watch a film I made about her here. If you want to donate to Pancreatic Cancer UK you can do so here. These posts will be short 'thoughts' rather than detailed blog posts.

This has been a bad week.  Grief comes in waves and a wave hit me this week. Grief is not linear it is circular.  Often we find ourselves as distressed today as we were weeks or months ago and we feel too ashamed to admit it.  

This week I had to make arrangements for my dad's gravestone and chose what letters and words would go on it.  There are many aspects of a loved ones death that are upsetting but trying to summarise a life in 30-40 words is particularly bad.  How do you summarise a man who lived for 85 years who was a pastor, preacher, author, son, brother, uncle, father, husband and grandfather?  You don't, or at least not easily.  It is a deep and distressing reminder of the incredible fragility and swiftness of life.  I thought about all the times my father took funerals in Pennyfuir Cemetery outside Oban and now he is laid to rest there.  As Job said, our lives are like a weavers shuttle or like a breath (Job 7).  Even the greatest and godliest legacy is ultimately summarised in a few words on a gravestone.  

Grief can be crippling and disabling. It can be a distressing and lonely place as we grieve.  We see this in the book of Lamentations which is an outpouring of grief by the people of God.  They had been besieged, then overrun, then brutally treated and then exiled.  Some of the details of Lamentations are gut wrenching.  They had plenty to grieve about.  Why is Lamentations in the bible?  Well surely because God wants to help us to grieve.  In Lamentations 3 we see the effects of grief;

1. We feel a sense of darkness (Lam 3 v 2)

2. We feel trapped (Lam 3 v 7)

3. We feel weighed down (Lam 3 v 7)

4. Fear (Lam 3 v 10)

5. We may feel foolish (Lam 4 v 14)

6. We feel miserable (Lam 3 v 17)

7. Exhaustion (Lam 3 v 18)

That is why we need to give grief words. As Colin Smith says in his excellent book 'For all who Grieve' ‘God has given us an entire book of the Bible in which sorrow is put into words and the grief of what was lost is expressed over and over again.  This tells us something very important about how to grieve: We must give sorrow words.  Telling your story will be part of God’s provision for healing your soul.’  Many of us are not good at talking particularly as we process grief.  We as a church are not great at dealing with grief.  But Lamentations, Job and the Psalms give us a pattern of lament that we should follow.

So where do we go with our grief?  We need other people.  Grief can be a lonely dungeon that many people remain locked in for their whole lives.  Thankfully as Christians we have the greatest counsellor of all - Jesus Christ.  As Colin Smith says: ‘God gave His people a counsellor who wept with them, put the pain of their loss into words, ministered to their guilt and grief, and brought hope and healing from the ashes of their loss.’  Although Lamentations is a difficult book it is also full of rich, rich promises for those of us going through loss.  He does not afflict willingly and he does not cast off for ever.  As it says in Lamentation 3 v 31-33:

For the Lord will not cast off for ever:

32 

but though he cause grief,

yet will he have compassion

according to the multitude of his mercies.

33 

For he doth not afflict willingly

nor grieve the children of men.

24 words - Mercy

This is the sixth of 24 blog 'thoughts' throughout June as part of a challenge to honour my sister Anna Murray who died on 20th October 2019. You can read my reflections on my sister here and watch a film I made about her here. If you want to donate to Pancreatic Cancer UK you can do so here. These posts will be short 'thoughts' rather than detailed blog posts.

But God, being rich in mercy...Eph 2 v 4

This word mercy that we have in Ephesians 2 occurs 26 times in the New Testament.  It involves compassion towards those in need as we see in the gospel.  Jesus uses the word three times in Matthew and then five times in Luke 1.  Mercy surrounds the birth of Christ.  

In Matthew Christ teaches that mercy (along with justice and faithfulness) is among the 'weightier matters of the law' as opposed to 'tithe, mint, dill and cumin' that the Pharisees made so much fuss about.  

I love that phrase in Roman 9 v 23; 'in order to make known the riches of his glory for vessels of mercy, which he has prepared beforehand for glory...' 

Mercy towards sinners is at the very heart of God and Christ's ministry radiates that on the pages of the New Testament.

As we read through Ephesians 2 we immediately see the reason why the human race needed saving in verses 1-3.  As Dane Ortland says 'Christ was not sent to mend wounded people or inspire bored people or spur on lazy people or educate ignorant people, but to raise the dead.' In the process of saving people of course wounded people are mended and bored people have purpose and lazy people suddenly want to work for the glory of God, but the primary reason Christ came to this world is because the human condition was (and remains) so critical which is why we need a saviour and redeemer.  We see this in Ephesians 2 v 5-6 where Christ saves his people.  

But verse 4 shows us why God saved us.  It was because he was rich in mercy.  As Thomas Goodwin says 'He is rich unto all; that is, he is infinite and overflowing in goodness, he is good to an abundance.'

Sometimes love and mercy seem like very abstract concepts to us but think of it like this.  If one of my kids is suffering or accused of something the protective father rises up in love and defence.  My son may well have done something wrong but I still want to defend him and put in a plea of mitigation.  God's love is so much more than this because he loves us with an 'invincible love'.  To quote Ortland again: '...as love rises, mercy descends.  Great love fills his heart; rich mercy flows out of his heart.'  As CH Spurgeon once said: “God’s mercy is so great that you may sooner drain the sea of its water, or deprive the sun of its light, or make space too narrow, than diminish the great mercy of God.” 

24 Words - Lockdown

This is the fifth of 24 blog posts each day in June as part of a challenge to honour my sister Anna Murray who died on 20th October 2019. You can read my reflections on my sister here and watch a film I made about her here. If you want to donate to Pancreatic Cancer UK you can do so here. These posts will be short 'thoughts' rather than detailed blog posts.

How has lockdown been for you?  Its been a strange time.  I've found my emotions can be like a rollercoaster, one day I feel fine the next day I feel down or slightly anxious.  Zoom, Slack, Skype and Microsoft Teams have taken a bit of adapting but I've learned to pace myself rather than having loads of meetings per day.  I've been through phases when I have struggled to sleep, but overall I feel I've adapted and I have to say I've enjoyed various aspects of lockdown.  I feel I've found a much better rhythm to my working life.  I get up around 7 am, walk the dog, have a decent breakfast (poached eggs every morning!), have some time for devotions and start work around 9-9:30.  I work until about 6ish take the dog out again and then most evenings are family time because there is nowhere  to go.  I've loved extra time to listen to audio books and podcasts.  This series by Nancy Guthrie on 'How to Teach the Bible' has been a huge blessing to me on my daily walks.

I guess one of the big questions I have for myself and other Christians is this - 'what are we doing with all the extra time we have?'  It is quite a searching question. I heard from a friend and then read this account of the Scottish missionary James Fraser.  In Phil Moore's excellent blog on Think Theology he explains what James Fraser did during a period of 'lockdown' at the foothills of the Himalayas:

'The great missionary James Fraser found himself in a very similar position when he began to preach the Gospel to the pagan Chinese villagers of Lisuland in the first half of the twentieth century. Lisuland lies several hundred miles west of Wuhan, in the foothills of the Himalayas, so James Fraser very often found himself unable to reach his converts in the most mountainous areas. Winter snowfalls made it too dangerous for him to gather them together in church services. At first he was frustrated and even angry with God, who could easily have held back the snowfall to enable his church services to go ahead. But as he prayed, James Fraser became convicted that God was in the problem - it was a challenge of the Lord’s own making. The Lord wanted him to conduct an experiment on behalf of the Body of Christ. 

James Fraser worked out that it would take him three to five days to conduct church services in the highland villages of Lisuland - one or two days of travel up into the mountains, a day of gathering together, and then one or two days of travel back down again. He therefore decided to find out: What would happen if I decided to spend the time that I would have spent gathering with these Lisu people praying for them instead?'

After the snow had melted James Fraser was able to return to the mountainous villages and he discovered that the Christians there had grown and matured far more than those he was ministering to in the lowland regions.  Isn't that remarkable?  We all think that activity will build the kingdom but what if getting on our knees was to have an even greater effect?  Of course we don't stop reaching out and loving our neighbour in practical ways but what if our work was saturated in prayer?  What if we spent the extra time when we aren't commuting or attending activities praying?  What if we were praying for the people we aren't able to see right now?  What is we tried the James Fraser experiment in our lives?  Some food for thought.

You can get James Fraser's biography Mountain Rain here.  There is a fuller article about the mission work in Lisu on the OMF website here.

24 words - Providence

This is the fourth of 24 blog posts each day in June as part of a challenge to honour my sister Anna Murray who died on 20th October 2019. You can read my reflections on my sister here and watch a film I made about her here. If you want to donate to Pancreatic Cancer UK you can do so here. These posts will be short 'thoughts' rather than detailed blog posts.

'Providence is the marvellous working of God by which all the events and happenings in the universe accomplish the purpose He has in mind.'  

John J Murray, Behind a Frowning Providence

Over the years many people have spoken to me about how helpful they have found my late fathers little booklet 'Behind a Frowning Providence'.  It is incredible to think that since it was published in 1990 is has been reprinted 6 times and 70,200 copies are now in circulation.  It has been translated in to 17 other languages: Amharic (Ethiopia), Arabic, Bugis (Indonesia), Burmese, Chinese, Farsi, French, Hungarian, Indonesian (Bahasa), Javanese, Makassarese (Indonesia), Nuer, Oromo (Ethiopia), Somali, Spanish, Sudanese and Toraja (Indonesia).  In many ways my Dad's booklet is an example of providence.  It was written for a conference talk my dad gave in 1989 but it was many years in the making.

I'll never forget the day in December 1980 when my Head Teacher came in to my primary 4 classroom in Rockfield Primary Oban and whispered something in in my teachers ear.  She looked at me and then she looked at the class.  Although I can't remember, class mates have since told me that we played some sort of game and then to my utter surprise and joy I was allowed to go home early!  I sprinted up the little brae to the manse and burst through the door with all the energy of an eight year old. The house was full of loud sobbing.  My dad was crying, which was very unusual.  He took me into the living room and explained that my 13 year old sister had just died.  I don't remember much about the next few days but do vividly remember the funeral and the grave.  I particularity remember the comforting smile of my best friends dad as our family filed out of the church bewildered at the providence that had overwhelmed our family.  Dad was two years in to his first charge and I am amazed at how he continued with preaching and pastoring after such a massive shock.  I now know as a father of five boys what he must have been experiencing but he was an example of patient suffering as I watched him over the years.

As I look back over 40 years I see God's guiding hand in our lives as a family.  As Job said: 'He will certainly accomplish what he has decreed for me...'  This doesn't make death easy but knowing that it is part of God's sovereign plan brings a measure of comfort to the Christian.  'God has' according to Thomas Boston, 'by an eternal decree, immovable as mountains of brass (Zech 6 v 1), appointed the whole of everyone's lot, the crooked parts thereof as well as the straight.' God has appointed what we view as dark providence's in our life.  As William Cowper famously wrote: 

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense

But trust him for his grace

Behind a frowning providence 

He hides a smiling face

Trusting in God's providence helps us to see that there is a purpose to suffering:

Sufferings are to try us. To quote Thomas Boston again 'The crook in the lot is the great engine of providence for making men appear in their true colours.'

Sufferings are to expose out sin. John Newton nailed it with his hymn:

I asked the Lord that I might grow

In faith and love and ev’ry grace,

Might more of His salvation know,

And seek more earnestly His face.

‘Twas He who taught me thus to pray,

And He, I trust, has answered prayer,

But it has been in such a way

As almost drove me to despair.

I hoped that in some favored hour

At once He’d answer my request

And, by His love’s constraining pow’r,

Subdue my sins and give me rest.

Instead of this, He made me feel

The hidden evils of my heart

And let the angry pow’rs of hell

Assault my soul in ev’ry part.

Sufferings are to build character.  In Romans 5 v 1-5 Paul says 'we glory in tribulation.'  The word tribulation means 'to press' referring to a wine press.  What does tribulation produce?  'Patient endurance' which in turn produces character.

Sufferings are to bring us closer to God. As Robert Browning Hamilton said:

I walked a mile with Pleasure;

She chatted all the way;

But left me none the wiser

For all she had to say.

I walked a mile with Sorrow;

And ne’er a word said she;

But, oh! The things I learned from her,

When Sorrow walked with me.

We all want answers don't we?  I have many questions about the last two years.  Why did the Lord take my other sister while she was in her prime?  Why take people who are so fruitful for the Lord?  Why did my father experience such deep depression after knowing such joy throughout his life?  Perhaps these questions will never be answered but I trust in a God who who is good and who is weaving my life for my good and His glory (James 5 v 11).  These words my dad used towards the end of his booklet have always brought we great comfort.

Not til the loom is silent

And the shutters cease to fly 

Shall God unroll the canvas

And explain the reason why

The dark threads are as needful

In the weavers skilful hand

As the threads of gold and silver

In the pattern he has planned

  

24 words - Steadfast

This is the third of 24 blog posts each day in June as part of a challenge to remember my sister Anna Murray who died on 20th October 2019. You can read my reflections on my sister here and watch a film I made about her here. If you want to donate to Pancreatic Cancer UK you can do so here. These posts will be short 'thoughts' rather than detailed blog posts.

You probably don't need any reminding that this life can feel like a storm.  If you haven't faced some struggle in the last 10 weeks you must really, really enjoy your own company!!  The last two years have been a real storm for us as we nursed my sister with terminal cancer and then lost my dad 6 months later.  My mum is now on her own when she she should be surrounded by her family as she grieves for her husband of over 50 years.  Just like a real storm often life events take us unawares and toss us about.  When we are in the middle of them we think that may never reach our destination.  We can despair and lose hope.

In Hebrews 6 v 19 we read 'We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.'  What is our anchor in this life?  Our job, our house, our pension?  As we have seen over these last 10 weeks these anchors are not very secure.  Surely, for the Christian, our anchor is gospel hope.  But what does this anchor fix on?  As Matthew Henry says: '...it is an anchor that has taken good hold, it enters that which is within the veil; it is an anchor that is cast upon the rock, the Rock of ages.'  Corrie Ten Boom once said 'in order to feel the worth of the anchor, we need to feel the stress of the storm.'  Whatever storm you are passing through right now, Christ is the best anchor for the storms of this life. Now more than ever in the midst of an international pandemic we need something or even better someone who is steadfast.  

When my sister was first diagnosed in March 2018 I was working on something while listening to Sandra McCraken's 'Steadfast'.  I was overwhelmed with emotion at the enormity of what my sister was facing.  I can't listen to it now without deep emotion welling up at the loss of my sister. I am so thankful that she had a sure and steadfast hope and that her  hope was on the rock that does not move.

I will build my house
Whether storm or drought
On the rock that does not move
I will set my hope
In your love, O Lord
And your faithfulness will prove

You are steadfast, steadfast

By the word you spoke
All the starry host
Are called out by name each night
In your watchful care
I will rest secure
As you lead us with your light

You are steadfast, steadfast

I will not trust in the strength of kings
On your promise I will stand
I will shout for joy, I will raise my voice
Hallelujah to the Lamb!

You are steadfast, steadfast

In the moment of emptiness
All was fulfilled
In the hour of darkness
Your light was revealed
In the presence of death
Your life was affirmed
In the absence of holiness,
You are still God.

You are steadfast, steadfast
You are steadfast, steadfast.

24 Words - Lament

This is the second of 24 blog posts each day in June as part of a challenge to remember my sister Anna Murray who died on 20th October 2019. You can read my reflections on my sister here and watch a film I made about her here. If you want to donate to Pancreatic Cancer UK you can do so here. These posts will be short 'thoughts' rather than detailed blog posts.

I've been helped by reading Colin Smiths book 'For all who Grieve' recently. I've reviewed it here. Pastor Smith takes us on a tour of a book most Christians (including me) have never really studied: the book of Lamentations. The pages of this book are soaked in tears, cries to God and gut wrenching lament. Why? Well there were at least five reasons: Jerusalem was under siege (Jeremiah 52 v 4), there was no food (Lam 1 v 11), the city walls were breached (Lam 1 v 7), the people were subjugated by a cruel enemy (Lam 1 v 5) and just when things couldn't get any worse the temple was destroyed (Lam 4 v 1). The younger children starved while the older children were taken in to captivity (Lam 1 v 5). Women were abused in the streets, others were enslaved. It is a horrific picture of brutal violence and trauma. We are horrified by some of the descriptions of brutality and starvation that Lamentations lays before us. Every family must have experienced incredible loss and grief. Jeremiah sums it up in Lam 5 v 15 'The joy of our hearts has ceased our dancing has been turned to mourning.' I find it interesting that God devotes a whole book of the Bible to lament. Of course much of Job and the Psalms follow a similar theme but Lamentations has lament writ large across its pages.  God wants us to study lament.

The Siege and Destruction of Jerusalem by David Roberts (1850)

Lamentations is a book of tears. We see it in mentioned in a variety of verses ch 1 v 16, 2 v 11, 2 v 18-19 and 3 v 48-50. Colin Smith says 'tears are the shuddering of the body at the pain of the soul. They are a gift from God, because they act as a release valve for your pain. So let the tears flow and don't hold them back.' So often tears are seen as a sign of weakness and over emotionalism but as we see Jeremiah weeping over the devastation of Jerusalem they were tears of love for God's people and God's glory. Jesus himself wept at the tomb of Lazarus - not because he has lost hope but at the devastation that death had wrought on the world.

There is a time for lament.  Grief is a natural response to loss and tragedy.  Tears are a gift from God that should not be suppressed.  We can take great comfort from the promise that every one of our tears are seen by God: 'Put my tears in your bottle.  Are they not in your book?' (Psalm 56 v 8).  Jesus experienced grief, sorrow, loneliness, betrayal and ultimately abandonment.  He is a High Priest who is able to sympathise with us in our weakness - literally 'co-suffer' with us.  There is no cold, detached pity in Christ.  As Smith says ‘God gave His people a counsellor who wept with them, put the pain of their loss into words, ministered to their guilt and grief, and brought hope and healing from the ashes of their loss.’

Our only hope in loss is the steadfast love of the Lord (3 v 22-23).  Yes we have the hope of heaven but Lamentations gives us hope in the hear and now.  The grieving person needs new mercies every morning and that is what God promises.  It is seeing the Lord as his portion that give Jeremiah hope in the utter carnage of Jerusalem (ch 3 v 24).  As Colin Smith says ‘Hope lies in the faithfulness of God, but it is not easy to fix in your mind the great truth of God’s steadfast love. Jeremiah models what this looks like: ‘But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope’ (3 v 21). This calling to mind involves a deliberate and repeated effort by a grieving person who feels weighed down, trapped, afraid and exhausted but refuses to give in. He hauls his mind from what he has lost to what he has, knowing that his hope is in God alone.’  God gives us hope in our lament, grace for today and new mercies for tomorrow.

24 Words - Rest

This is the first of 24 blog posts each day in June as part of a challenge to remember my sister Anna Murray who died on 20th October 2019.  You can read my reflections on my sister here and watch a film I made about her here.  If you want to donate to Pancreatic Cancer UK you can do so here.  These posts will be short 'thoughts' rather than detailed blog posts.

I've been hugely impacted by Dane Ortland's book 'Gentle and Lowly - the Heart of Christ for Sinners and Sufferers'.  I've reviewed it here.  In his opening chapter Ortland says that in the 89 chapters of the four gospels there is only one place where Jesus talks about his heart.  Let these words sink deeply into your soul;

Come to me, all who labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.  (Matt 11 v 28-30)

It feels like a word in season for as we stumble through an international epidemic, race riots in America and the very stark reality that the world is a cruel and unjust place in so many ways.  Rage is everywhere.  Where do we turn?  Politicians let us down.  There is anger, anxiety and uncertainty.  Where can we find comfort and rest?

Jesus could have emphasised many things as he revealed his heart but he chose to communicate his gentleness.  This word is used on three other occasions in the NT in Matt 5 v 5, Matt 21 v 5 and 1 Peter 3 v 4.  Sometimes, as in Matt 5 v 5 the word 'meek' is used , in Matt 21 v 5 'humble' is used.  Gentle, meek and humble is who Jesus is.  The heart in biblical terms means the centre of who we are.  As Ortland says: 'He (Jesus) is the most understanding person in the universe.  The posture most natural to him is not a pointed finger but open arms.'  Wow.  I need reminded of that ever day.  If you are frazzled with lock-down there is good news.  Jesus' very heart towards you is gentleness.

But Jesus is not just gentle but he is also 'lowly in heart'.  Today, Jesus is near the broken.  This king is accessible and approachable.  What are the qualifications for access to Jesus?  That you are 'weak and heavy laden'.  And what do we get?  Rest.  I don't know about you but rest is something that has alluded me during lockdown.  Whether it has been anxiety or grief I'm not sure but I haven't rested well over these last 10 weeks.  I have tried to do too much and pray too little.  I have failed to heed that simple invitation - 'come to me'.  It is in Christ that we have rest.  The yoke he lays on us us is light and easy.  Christs yoke is one of kindness and gentleness.  Even in the midst of the storms of life we can know a place of peace and rest in Christ.  As Ortland says: 'He (Christ) doesn't simply meet us in our place of need: he lives in our place of need.  He never tires of sweeping us into his tender embrace.  It is his very heart.'

Are you tired today?  Are you weary and heavy laden?  Rest in Christ.  Experience his gentleness and kindness.